I am 19 years old girl.Studying engineering 2nd year.My situation maybe seem strange to others. I am very family attached person. I don’t have close friends, love. From the others views ( like my family members, teachers)I am girl very good at studies. But myself I am not good at studies , I just study before exams and clear all subjects. But no knowledge in my mind , because of my grades I acts like an intelligent infront of others. Truth is I am not. I feel very guilty . Because my parents and teachers are believe in me. I am not worth for those believes.How can I manage it ??
Hi. Clearly you’re retaining the information that you’ve come across and can deliver through pressure. That is an extraordinary gift. Some people would crumble under that pressure and that says a lot about you.
I can tell you that my husband has been a Quality Assurance Tester since 2006 and in his previous job, he felt this way because it was a completely different industry that he had gone into but slowly, he started to realise that although its not an industry he was familiar with, the basic skill set were very similar and he learned through experience, under pressure, what was required of him and now, in his current job, it’s paying off.
In my experience, there are two different types of people in this world when it comes to knowledge - those who retain it and just keep it and then struggle to apply it and those who learn it and apply it easily.
I am the same - I felt the same when I tried to go to university and it cost me a lot (financially, mentally and emotionally). I ended up flunking out of university because of the stress and the feeling that I was an idiot. I’d look around at my fellow students and they looked like they belonged there - they were smarter than me and regardless of how much I tried to study, it just never clicked. I realised later that experience was my best education and that is okay with me.
I feel that you will be the second one - easily being able to apply it when required. Do not be deterred by these feelings - one day, it will be clear that you can do this.
If you truly feel that Engineering is your calling, then continue with it however, I would also suggest looking for an internship or an apprenticeship to apply your knowledge - perhaps that will squash any anxiety or fear that you have that you aren’t good enough.