Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I am 16 years old and one of my neighbour male, who is around 10 years elder to me, used to tell the stories that he has flirted and have sexual relationship with many young girls. So I used to like this stories since I was not having any, one day he was in a room and showed his private parts and asked me to remove my pants and asked me to penetrate him, which I got scared of and denied, then he asked me that he wants to do which I denied and went out of the room which I never want to do that but he was like a big brother to me. Somewhere I am always in the confusion about my orientation and made myself wrong of that how can I allow myself to be naked in front of the male and allowed myself to be available to someone. Since when I was a child around 12 years one of my cousin did the same with me and he forced him on me and tried to penetrate. I made myself wrong guilty and confused. What should I have done both were my close and they tired to humiliate and used me. Why I didn’t pushed them back, why I want being angry on them. How can they do this. I have girlfriends, had a sexual realtionships for long, had a healthy sex life.