Human touch has miracles. I am missing on these. Family is far away and here I am trying to be with myself. Interacting with random people considering them as my frnds. Laughing on silliest jokes and coming back alone in room. 

What the fuck?? I actually don't have words for you. You can go. Never come again on my post.

 That didn't seem joke to me. Well it's fine. :)

Yep I 'll be. May be it isn't about mere family. I feel like this sometimes. This shall too pass. 

3am Thoughts

Now adays i think im gonna blow up
You see i am have been sexually harassed by u guise the partner of my aunt who lives next door to us my mom has always been busy and not there it started when i was 8 i was alone and he was drunk and suddenly told me that he will teach me how to kiss so he... Kissed me hahaha and told me to open my mouth i ran downstairs with my aunt and didn't say a thing cause i was 8 that time no one taught me anything about that and so he continued to do so even in my high school day he would let me sit on his lap and what saddened me was that it always happened INFRONT of my aunt and she will do NOTHING and discomfort is always visible in my face but still smiling as i was a coward who cant fight and he would touch my hip and touch it and touch it hahahahaha im going crazy remembering it and one time i woke up in the night and i always sleep downwards (my chest facing the bed as i have bad experience in that too also sexually harassed by the previous boyfriend of my mother where he will touch my b**bs when i sleep when i was young guess he was jealous not having one) so back to it i woke up him on top of me his TINY ASS PEEPEE(still in pants) on the top of my ass and he was kissing me on the checks or i dunno AHAHAHAHHA typing this wants me to go next door and maybe m*rd*r him hahahahahaha help me hahahaha im going crazy and ontop of that no one knows these exept me and unto this day he pretends he has never done that dunno maybe perks of being a pedo hahahaha i dunno what to do so i came here hoping for some advise

Depression

Someone laughed at my picture and also said that person got afraid of my dark circles and he also addressed me as aunty ji well that hurts .... 

My childhood. Also, I'm 11.
I say childhood because that ended quickly for me. I'm very traumatized I just dont remember the worst things, but I do remember the sexual assault. Lets start off early. When I was in kindergarten my "Boyfriend" would always touch me even when I asked him to stop. That lasted until second grade, and while that was happening. In first grade, my mom met my step dad. No, my step dad didn't do anything, But my step brother would. We would always play these games where he would give me a head start to run up the stairs and I would try to close the door behind me before he dragged me down the stairs (they were carpeted) It was a regular game for my other siblings, But for me, he would touch me when he pulled me down the stairs. One night, I went to the basement because I heard something, and he was watching a video of my mom and his dad having sex with his pants down, he was watching it with my brother. They both looked at me and chased me up the stairs, I thought we were playing the game. He then proceeded to take off my clothes and my underwear, I still thought we were playing. He then touched me and got really close to... you know, but my brother stopped him because I started crying. My step brother tried to keep going but my little brother stopped him. I don't remember all that happened after that. Maybe he did... you know. I don't want to know. I just know that that day was the day I started to feel useless. My mom and his dad divorced, but they had a kid. So every once in a while when i see him, he talks about how he liked that night and how he wants to do it again. So, I guess maybe it did happen. Maybe I "popped my cherry" I don't want to live knowing that is a possibility. I just wish that memory was completely wiped

Family

Interviewer : Your CV says You went to the University 
Me : Yes to meet my cousin

Job Dissatisfaction

I feel like I can write a book on my life experience. 

It all started at a very young age. My cousin uncle used to stay next door to us. I frequently went to their house. Then my uncle got touchy. I was too young and naive to realise what was happening. I was about 5 years old maybe, I don’t even remember my age. He took me to a room when no one was home. He removed his pants and underpants. I was a kid wearing a nice frock so he just removed my underpants to knee length, that would do the work for him. He asked me to sit on his penis. I vividly remember that. He just enjoyed it which I was sitting there. He didn’t penetrate as I think he was scared that I might bleed and people will come to know. I would say he was clever that way. 

Years passed by and he kept putting sexual advances and asked me not to tell anyone. He was not hurting me by putting his fingers anywhere but he used to enjoy me in whatever way he could. I didn’t say anything and kept doing what he asked. For me it was a game and I thought it is a little secret and he only plays it with me. As a kid you would love that. 

On a parallel world, I had a cousin who was adopted and she was 7 years elder to me. She also started touching me. She was not aware about my uncle’s advances. I was still 9 years old and I didn’t know what it was. But I thought maybe this is normal. And I also started doing whatever she would ask me to do. We used to go to a room saying we are playing and she used to tell me to touch her and suck her boobs. Then she would repeat the same things on my body. 

I somewhere started enjoying it. I feel ashamed about It but it was not something I could control. We all went for a huge family trip. My uncle was also there along with some 35 members of my extended family. We hired a bus and my uncle was sitting on the last row. He called me and told me you sleep here, it was be comfortable. I did what he asked. It was dark. Suddenly I felt his hands on my pants. I didn’t say anything. He put his fingers on my vagina. First time he had done that. I didn’t know at that time that this is wrong. I enjoyed it and I thought it is a game like he always used to say. He had the guts to do it when there are some 35 family members sitting in front. 

By the time I was maybe 13 or 14 years old I started realising what was happening and that this is not good. Both of them have been exploiting me sexually. It took me a lot of time to accept it. I couldn’t ever speak to my parents about it or anyone in my family or friends. Somewhere I think it became normal for me. I started questioning myself how am I okay with someone sexually exploiting me and I was somewhere enjoying it. 

Then I started resisting it and I was also quite grown up so they got scared and stopped doing things to me. 

I was around 16 years old and my dad asked me to go and give something to my uncle. He was in is office which was some 300 mtrs walk from my place. It was a long time when all those things happened. I accepted it and moved on without telling anyone about it. I was ashamed I think. I went to his office, gave the package and spoke to him a little bit. For me, I always pretended that part of my life never existed and started behaving like any other family member would.

Suddenly, he asked me to come and sit on his lap. I acted confused. Then he came and held my hand and tried touchIng my boobs. I resisted and tried to run away. He held me with full force and tried kissing me and touching me inappropriately. I somehow managed to run away. I cried a lot but somehow calmed myself down before going home. I was again too scared to share anything with my parents. 

Fast forward to me being some 19/20 years old girl. I started accepting it and talking about it to few people but never in details. I used to tell about the part that I was sexually assaulted by my uncle but never about my cousin or the fact that I enjoyed it once. Again, I WAS TOO ASHAMED OF MYSELF and till date I haven’t told that to anyone. 

By the age of 19 I had tried committing suicide twice because I was ashamed more than anything else. I thought it was all my fault. Though I got cold feet and couldn’t do it. Again, no one knows about it. 

I am 24 years old now. 3 years back when I was 21 years old my dad was at my uncle’s place. He had forgotten his phone at the house. So he called from my uncle’s phone and asked my mom to send the phone through someone. My mom said if I can go. I agreed. I went and gave the phone to my dad. Then my uncle’s kids called me. They were 4 years and 7 years old that time. They really liked me. My aunt was not there so they started insisting me to stay for sometime. I agreed. I was in their room and my dad was in my uncle’s office with him and one of their friend. Suddenly my uncle came to my room and groped me from behind and touched my breasts. That was the first time I screamed. I started crying went to my dad and hugged him and told him what happened. Just that incident not anything or any word from the past. He got furious and it was a big mess. 
My dad and I came back from. I told him I want to file a official police complaint and I want that guy to be jailed. It was years of frustration that my dad obviously didn’t understand because for him it was just that incident. Still he agreed. He told me all the pros and cons of filing a complaint but he said the decision is mine since I am 21 years old and I am adult. He will support me no matter what I decide. Only few of my family members knew and they were against it but my dad didn’t care about that. I decided not to file a complaint because I had gotten a job in Bangalore and I wanted to start a new life. If I filed a complaint, it would have still haunted me. I wanted an out. 
I never went to his house again and I don’t speak to him anymore. 

Today, I am happy I would say. But this has always stayed and it haunts me. More than anything, the fact that I think I became very sexually demanding after all that. I still feel ashamed about it and try to control my emotions but I am unable to. I don’t know if this is normal or not. I am still figuring it out. I just wanted to share my story as in 24 years I have not spoken the whole truth ever. 

Child Abuse

How to get rid of my cousin sister, im feeling uncomfortable with her, she keep on sitting on my lap and iam thinking she tempting me, she keep on moving close to me even through i inappropriate touches her, im feeling discomfort when she comes to me, and talking to me, i loves her so much , but her behaviour is different with me. Im feeling shy to tell her, i keeping distance from her but she keep on coming to me, she is married, im getting sexual feelings when is behaving like this with me , i have less control on my feelings , what should i do she keep on getting close to me even i sexual touches her. Don’t know what she is thinking

Domestic Abuse

I'm going on a trip with my cousins yet I want someone to accompany me, bcuz they are in couples nd I know I'll get bore nd feel like having someone with me.

Travel

I know it's weird but I'm truly in love with my aunt. I dream of her and I really love her. I think of her all the time. I don't know what to do 💔 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts