Thought

Profile picture for Now&Me member @definitelynotme
@definitelynotme

How to become confident? Why other people do it so easily?

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Profile picture for Now&Me member @flightlesssongbird
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5 replies
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Anonymous

Confidence doesn’t come easily, trust me. It’s something that you build and work towards. I still struggle with confidence myself to be honest, but I always try to remind myself that no matter what happens, I truly am trying my best. My therapist gave me this trick once, it was to write down around 15 of my good traits, out of those traits, he filtered the ones that are truly my own traits (being creative for example) or the ones that benefitted others (being helpful for example). It’s not a bad thing to have traits that benefit others, but what he really wanted me to focus on, is the things that made be unique, that made up my personality, and honestly that really helped me.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @flightlesssongbird
@flightlesssongbird

Confidence stems from a number of different factors for others–be it ignorance, validation from others, from within, or etc. I think the most important factor is to be able to have self confidence. Like another comment mentioned, it is important that we are consciously aware of our good traits. We can’t let all the negative thoughts overpower our positive ones. The inner voice that we all have can be really mean and relentless but its in those times when we have to take control and shout back at the inner voice all the things we love about ourselves–all the good things that validate ourselves and give us that nice, fuzzy feeling. Self love is so crucial for those who are constantly beaten up mentally. It’s not always easy to summon self love or self confidence but the more we focus and practice them, the easier it gets.

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Anonymous

Rightly said. Self love is very important.

Quick questions:

How do I know my inner voice is really mean?

How can I be confident if I don’t trust my inner voice.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @flightlesssongbird
@flightlesssongbird

I don’t trust my own most of the time because I am usually having thoughts that cut me down such as, “I am nowhere near as attractive as THAT person…” or “I am not special or important.” These are the types of thoughts that I refuse to accept. I can’t afford to, otherwise I’d constantly be depressed and my quality of life would decline exponentially. It helps me to have others affirm the negative thoughts are false but even when no one is around to, I have to have my own back so to speak. I have to take the stance of, “I will not listen to this inner voice that is trying to cut me down. I am doing my best every day to improve the areas I dislike about myself.” and that is sufficient to talk over the negative voice. Summon fake confidence at first. I know that sounds strange but pretending to be happy has proven to actually make you feel happier so I like to think the logic is similar with confidence. Start by thinking of good things about yourself and focusing on them and begin to love and accept yourself and eventually, you’ll feel sufficient.

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Anonymous

Hi. As the others said, you have to care about yourself first before you can care about others. You are important, you have to be for your wellbeing.

I know that I’m not perfect, I’m not fully the person that I want to be, but I know that life is about constantly learning about yourself and others. We all have experiences that are different from one another but those experiences teach us lessons to learn from, to do better for ourselves.

Believe in yourself, you know what you know; its not definitive and it’s not always going to stay the same and that is okay. We all grow as people, and that’s the lesson we all need to keep in mind when we brave a new day.

That’s what brings confidence and inner strength.

Good luck.

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