How horrible of a person I am I for cheating on my wife and is there hope for my future.

We all mess up and make mistakes.  I won't judge you but I do have to  say that what you are doing or what you did isn't  right.  If you are not happy in the relationship please just  leave it . One thing for sure is that you have to be honest with  her and tell her, she deserves  to know.  I wish you the  best of luck and yes I do believe there is hope for you if you really want to make the change. 

Cheating

My brother has beat me when I was young (like 10 and early teens) and sometimes even now (I'm 20). When I was younger I didn't know any better so I couldn't retaliate, when I became a bit older I started retaliating. When I retaliated I was the villain for my mom. He literally damaged my ear drum when I was 10 and my mom thought he was innocent (he was f***ing 19 back then), he did that because HE was FRUSTRATED (sounded like HIS problem). I always got angry and cursed my mom that one day she will know what she did wrong. 2 years ago my brother raised hand on my mom (to put in a civil language) and now she knows how it's like to be at receiving end. She still now thinks that I was wrong to get angry at her (She says I have mental disorder because I tried to hold HER accountable because she should have been the parent in that situation) while she was just a spectator seeing me miserable. Yeah took that f****ing  selfish woman years to realise what my brother did wrong. 

Family

There are people I've met who are got hurt in the past and somehow they never got over it. Although my only intension was to help them and love them, they ended up breaking me. My only intention was to love them and for them to love me back. If I say this to them in person, they'll call me "needy" "dramatic" and what not. So I stay silent most of the time. I cry myself to sleep for the pain that they've caused and for the way they made me feel everytime I'm with them but I can't tell them. I choose not to react. I choose silence cause I know they'll never understand. 

Emotional Abuse

Being dissapointed with your self while keeping up with others expectation kills you from inside specially when everyone want a good final product and sad part is nobody wanna to help even everyone is there to pull you down. It hurts when people ignore and don't appreciate for the work and efforts you put into something but when it comes to put blame, demotivating everyone has one or other role to play.

Anger Issues

omg ok so i was just showering right i had just finished washing my hair and my face, i was relaxed, i took my hair out of the clip to let my hair down and wash it and i was abt to throw the clip over the curtain onto the mat like i always do. i look up and there’s this black spider looking down at me from the top of the curtain. 
i freak out and i’m like “oh sh!t” i jumped out of the shower and started freaking out and contemplating just washing my hair in the sink.then i decided to stop being a pu$$y and just face the spider.so i grabbed this lotion thingy and started hitting the back of the curtain to get it to fall. i didn’t know if that worked so i grabbed a towel and started to hit the curtain to make sure it fell off. when i checked i saw it on the bottom of the curtain , dead. i was so happy. then i got back in after pushing the spider to the drain and covering the drain with the hair strainer thingy and washed my hair as fast as i could. 
scared me to death i hate spiders so much😭😭

Stress

hello 🤗 i am new user 

Girlfriend

Kya Kiya apne life k saath? 
You can either reflect on it or sulk about it later.

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