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How can I be less emotionally dependent on my wife? I love her very much, but she is very cold with me, physically and emotionally. I feel very alone even when I am with her. I tried 5 times to leave her but I end begging her to come back…

Profile picture for Now&Me member @daytripper
2 replies
Profile picture for Now&Me member @daytripper

Daytripper @daytripper

God, why this sounds so familiar? Pain does have a universal language. That coldness in the person you love, it is unbearable. I have been going through the same. The only way for now is to check for the hobbies or interests you used to have. Something you sacrificed maybe.


I think you need to work on yourself really. Why do you feel the need to be so dependent on your wife? Is it just the label of having a wife and what you expect from a wife or is it her specifically?

I can tell you from experience - I was the cold bitch of a wife! My husband is the emotional one - I jokingly call him the woman of our relationship, which he agrees is the case. For me, I was raised in a household where no one talked about their feelings, no one spoke about their own issues because why burden another human being with your struggles! It made me come across as a very cold, distant partner when in reality, I truly struggled with opening up to my husband; my thoughts, feelings, fears, etc.

My husband is an ex classically trained dancer (ballet, contemporary, ball room, etc) always around BEAUTIFUL women. I was very insecure being around him even though I love him to bits. I’m no where NEAR gorgeous as they are but he chose me to be with and that means something.

My husband was the shy guy who stalked girls because he liked them and feared that they’d not like him back. He was always “friend zoned” even though I think he’s a sexy looking guy!

Opening up to him meant that I had to trust him and it took courage for me to do this and he had to do the same for me and things are so much better now.

I can see from time to time the worrying look on his face that I don’t really care about what he’s going through, whether it be work related or person related but I always reassure him by hugging him or telling him that he’s pretty that I am listening and that I do care.

Relationships are a two way street, regardless of their context and communicating is the way to navigate through them. Especially if you feel that someone deserves your time and energy.

Talk to your wife - see why she’s so distant. Let her know that you want to know and understand her. If she refuses, then I suggest that you speak to her about couples therapy. If she refuses, then separate from her and ultimately divorce her if that’s the case.

My brother in law separated from his wife and is living his life happily without her.

Its your move.

Good luck.


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