Okay here is the scanrio.My bestiee is my relative and been friends for 9 years and was very close .But recently we got into a big fight .Bc I was in a 4 month relationship and the boy wants to spend the night with me .So one day he asked me to spend the night with him so I said okay because I knew what I want ,it felt right and i decided I won’t regret it in future even we break up.So I said yes to him and I told my sister about it ,my sister complained to my bestiee which is also my sister’s bestiee .me and my sister got into a fight and said some mean things and I tried to make her understand she somehow partially agreed but my bestiee yelled at me over the phone when I was on my way he said some mean things and asked me to come back which I did .Then we three got into arguments he said mean things that if you are a kind of girl who can spend the night with just about anyone then we can’t be friends anymore. This hurted me alot.I was like how can he not understand what I want I know it was all shocked for him me wanting to have spend the night with my bf . But for me sex matters in relationship when I was with my partner I want to do all things that couple do which I came to realize from my past relationships but i was scared of my besties that they will judge me .I’m not a kind of person who thinks that is you can get physical only if you know you have future with your partner .When I was younger I always inspired my bestiess point of view that you can share your body with only one person so I agreed with him when I was younger but when i came into relationship my view changed and realized that I’m not a person who I thought I would be and when I told my besties about it he did not agree with me and we said some really mean things but now I can not face him bc I know I can’t change who I am and how can I make him understand I know he worries about me but he cut all ties with me and whenever I think about it I still don’t think I did wrong he hurts because he said I did not expect this from you .I know that my fault was I did not tell him about how I felt in relationship but that is bc I was scared of his reaction ,I knew it what kind of reaction I would get from him .I started to get him the signal about my opinion but he didn’t get it.And my bestie and my sis also asked me to choose between him or them which was very hurtful I tried to make them understand but my sister came to understanding but my bestiee still not understand what I want .
I just want you to understand that their concern are coming from a good place. Just know that they love you and are worried about your well being. This however does not justify bad mouthing. You got to have faith in yourself and your growth. People grow people change. That’s absolutely fine. If possible try making him understand your view point. Idk if that would be successful or not but try making amends.
If he doesn’t understand after you doing everything then just know that you have not done anything wrong. It’s just you have different perspectives. So stop beating yourself up and don’t be in any relationship that is toxic in any sense. It hurts ik but we all deserve to be with people who appreciate our growth and support us even if they don’t understand shit.
Thank you so much . I was confused that I was doing something wrong .Your answer cleared my mind ☺️☺️
ok as a total outsider it’s a little tough for not to go into this mindset, and if this is not the case I apologize already,
1st how old are you if you’re very young like 13 14 I’d say I’d be pretty mad at my friend too eventhough you seem like you understand what you want it would still hurt.
2nd No matter how hurt I would never say such mean things but I guess everyone’s different but… have you ever thought you friend might have feelings for you? has he been acting strange before this? does he not like your boyfriend?
Now regardless of all the upper portion of this comment I suggest you give him time to cool off and once he’s calm have a good long talk with him.
No ,he is in 10 years relationship. I am 22 y.o.and he is older than me . We were very close but I know he cares about me a lot but I wanted him to support me and understand me better that I’m old enough to know what I want in life .
Ok now I understand your situation much better. I guess all you can do is give him time to calm down and understand your situation.