Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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⚕️Depression

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If you or somebody you know is currently struggling, please take deep breaths and reach out to somebody. Here are few resources that may help.
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Anonymous

Hi ya’ll.

I just had some moment of clarity today and it was depressing as hell to me so I am sharing it with you. So here is my story. I was born after my parents lost their first baby girl due to some complications during labour. As every stereotypical family in the 90s my dad and his side of the family always wanted a son but they were just happy to have me because I was a rainbow baby.

My dad loved and still loves children and I was very much cherished until my sibling was born (i was 6 at that time), another girl. He wasnt very accepting to the situation but later on he was alright since we were his children only. But gradually as my sister was growing up I was unknowingly neglected. Not that I noticed it or I blame anyone for it but the things that followed were not pleasant for me.

Roughly 2 yrs later when I was around 8 I suffered a trauma in the form of molestation/sexual abuse for a while in my own house. It was by a religious figure/tutor who used to come and teach me 2-3 times a week. I was very scared of him because he was an angry person and threatened me and ofc like other children I wanted to be in his good books so I never understood what was happening nor I told directly to my parents. After months or so I went to a friends house who told me that the same teacher was kicked out from their house because of inappropriate behavior (which she described to me and I came to know that it was happening to me too and this could actually stop). Meanwhile my parents had no idea bcz my dad was in office and my mother was excrutiatingly busy raising my sibling who was a toddler at that time. And lets be honest which parent expects their child to be handed over to a pedophile in the face of a teacher …that too a spiritual one.

I was still very scared to tell them the whole truth because I was scared what would happen to me. My perpetrator came to watch me dance and participate in events at school and outside too so I knew he was everywhere and I wasnt safe at all. Anyhow I wanted the reading to stop and also gathered courage to tell my mother during the summer vacation when i had a gap from him. I lied to her at the end saying the degree of inappropriation was pretty less (just looking at me in a weird way and trying to touch me and stuff while the reality was far from it). She was furious at that came to an end. But my trauma did not.

I know this is long so I would post the rest of it later if you want? Please be kind. I really feel low.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @virgo029
Profile picture for Now&Me member @mangoice
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13 replies

Shalin Gupta @shalin99

There are so many people you can always talk with. You don’t have to feel alone, so don’t be afraid of anything you can share anything no matter how long it is. Everyone is here for you.

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Anonymous

Thank you…its taken me 17 yrs to open up. I really dont feel like I can go on but thanks for your kindness

Shalin Gupta @shalin99

It’s okay do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @virgo029
@virgo029

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry you had to go through that in such a young age, nobody wants to go through that at any age.
But you know what, I AM PROUD OF YOU, and you should be too that you could say it out loud to your mother and here as well even though you were so small.
I just want you to know you can tell whatever you want and I will always be here to hear and help.
Lots of love :)

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Anonymous

❤️. Means a lot. I dont think suffering ends for some people. It takes shape in one form or another

Profile picture for Now&Me member @virgo029
@virgo029

I know right, but don’t let that stop you from achieving your goals

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Anonymous

I honestly am in the verge of ending my life. I have no hopes. Career or not. Everybody says its not how it should be and this and that but i just hate myself beyond all of it. I have so many issues with me god knows where i should start from. Its my prime age and as I will grow older it will just get worse

Profile picture for Now&Me member @virgo029
@virgo029

You know life isn’t easy and not only for you, for everyone but you decide do you want to be a winner or not? Ending your life means losing and living it means winning EVERYDAY.
Everyone goes through things, but happiness comes to those who first fight sadness to reach for it.
Eventually, you will become stronger, you will get through this, just trust the universe honey. god bless you❤️

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Anonymous

I just questionn my quality of life. Its useless. I have no purpose really.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @virgo029
@virgo029

Why would you think that? Have would you find your purpose until you go explore life baby girl. I mean nobody knows their exact purpose, so just make one for yourself or just live life because the ultimate purpose of life is to explore life.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @virgo029
@virgo029

how* would

Profile picture for Now&Me member @mangoice

Mango @mangoice

Theres this saying, and it goes, “If you can survive the trauma, you can survive the recovery” <3

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