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Katrina @katrina

Hi, this might be a long one, you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to, I would understand. Anyway, I’m a recent graduate of high school (Class of 2019, yippee) who is taking a gap year to travel and work. I’ve had the whole summer to deal with the fact that I now have to face the rest of my life at the tender age of 16 (i graduated a year early, which will be an important detail later) and figure out what kind of functioning member of society I’m going to be. Now that it is early September and my younger brother is off to school with the rest of my friends I left behind when I graduated while I am at home doing nothing while I wait to head off on my flight later this month. It’s a lot harder, at least for me, than I expected to wrestle with the fact that I’m never going to be in high school again. Although high school dragged me to hell and back, I’d rather have a reason to be stressed than be stressed over the fact that I’m doing nothing. I have so much free time since my job ended at the end of the summer and my friends are in school, so that time is taken up with thinking. Thinking about life, work, death, everything under the sun. I feel like I have a huge weight on my shoulders that I’m going to have to carry for the rest of my life, and I’m starting to bend under the stress. I’m scared of disappointing my parents, being a failure, not being able to find my own footing in the world, not being able to find a steady job, not being able to enjoy the simple things in life. I am way too anxious to do anything, and then I get anxiety over not doing anything. I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of anxiety attack after panic attack and vice versa and I need to grow up. It’s bad enough that I don’t even have my friends with me since they’re all enjoying their senior year together, making memories that I’m missing and won’t be a part of. I constantly worry that they’ll forget about me or get sick of me even when I’m not there. There are some days that my thoughts are so loud I don’t know how to function around them. It doesn’t help that my parents don’t believe in mental illnesses or mental problems so I get punished for being sad. I’m so scared of the future, but I know that time doesn’t stop and I’m going to have to face it. I’m nervous that I’ll crumble under the pressure, but I know I can’t. I’m having my mid-life crisis at 16, isn’t that just pathetic? I feel disgusted at myself for feeling this way. But I’m hoping that I’ll decide to stick around and see it through to the end. I want to live but I’m scared to and I don’t know what to do. Sorry if I just repeated the same thing over and over again, my mind’s a mess right now. But if you made it to the end of my message, thanks for reading and I hope you’re faring better than I am.

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2 replies
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Simran Patel @simranpatel

Dear Katrina,
It’s alright to feel overwhelmed by things at times. It’s normal to feel confused, anxious and nervous about the future. But as the saying goes, an empty mind is a devil’s workshop. Most of your FOMO issues stem from your overthinking. I would suggest that you keep yourself occupied during the day with some physical activity. Take dance lessons, join zumba, or maybe just go for a swim. It will help you take your mind off things. You could use your spare time in making plans about your future. About important decisions like your career. All in all, just know that this is a phase and you will fly through. It will teach you more about yourself and shape you. Goodluck. And we are all here to hear you whenever you need us. Much love❤️

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Anonymous

Hey there Katrina. Thank you so much for taking the step and sharing this with us. First of all, please stop apologizing for these feelings. It’s completely alright to feel this way, don’t be so hard on yourself. You just graduated and your life has taken a 180 degree turn and you’re bound to feel a little lost. It’s okay. Take your time to figure out what is it that you want to do. You’ve spent about 10-12 years in a school and that’s a major part of your life. You’re bound to feel the loss and feel a little weird about never going to high school again. You have your entire life ahead of you, think of the opportunities. You graduated a year earlier that’s great. You have more time now to explore more opportunities about what you want to do in life. Don’t take the pressure of not doing anything. Focus on exploring different things and finding out what makes you happpy and sets your soul on fire. You don’t have to be worried about your future right now, trust me. Stay strong, more power and love to you xx Always here if you need a listening ear ❤️

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