Hi there. I am kind of new in here, but this person who probably came in my life at my lowest and told me about this, so I was hoping you will all save me. Please, I need help.
Uhmmm, okay. So, i have been lying to all the people around me about everything and it has increased to the point where I have started lying to myself. I hate myself. I have no control over myself. I cry at most random time thinking and thinking and thinking about how much of a dishonest person I have become. I hate this feeling that i have become all alone in this world. I hate myself. I procrastinate and then feel overwhelmed, and then because I feel overwhelmed I start procrastinating again… it’s like, I go on and on and on in a never ending loop. It’s been over 18 months that I have been doing this. This pandemic have made things worse. I have failed my competitive exams twice because of this. And I am probably going to fail again because I can not stop somehow. I have lost my goal. I don’t know what I like or what I want to do with my life. I have lost all motivation to study. I have no passion left. My parents think that their child is studying, but guess what? Their child has become an internet addict and is possibly forever glued to the electronics. I was already a disappointment to them, being their only child my father always said that I am an irresponsible person and will be incapable of taking care of them so he has already started saving because I am unreliable. I often think about killing myself. I tell myself that a dead daughter would gain a better sympathy than a failed daughter.
Please, somebody… save me. This is my last resort. I rather die than be a shameless, worthless, dishonest and disappointing daughter. I have already hurt my parents enough, I don’t want to hurt them anymore.
HKC @kasey5
Hello dear.
What you’ve said, it’s been going on since 18 months and I still you should go for a therapy session. However if you feel that there is a stigma attached and your parents will not allow you to, then find a friend please. If even that’s not possible, go alone. But please seek professional help. You need someone to be physically there for you and explain you things. And one more thing, and the most important one, just because you have lost inspiration and want to take a break, YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY NOT USELESS. We all lose hope along the way but that doesn’t make us useless. If someone came to you will their problem, will you ever say they’re useless? Don’t say those hurtful words to yourself if you won’t use them for others. You’re amazing in your own way, you have just lost the path. You’ll get back to it, please find out someone near you who can help.
Yes, actually i wanted to go to therapy so i told about it to my mum, and she started crying. Saying that a child with such strong headed parents can’t be a pathetic person. And she started pressurizing me to tell her about all the stuff that i would be speaking to the therapist. Because she said how will i be able to open up to someone random if i am not able to do it infront of them. But i know, that she doesn’t want me to go a therapist as it is considered a taboo in this conservative society. Also because i would be considered as a mentally ill person. I feel like i am hurting them even more by even doing all these things to correct myself that is why the idea of ending myself seems so much appealing to me.
HKC @kasey5
Can you go yourself? Because therapy is needed. At this moment, it sounds like a depression and you won’t be able to make yourself mentally strong just by yourself. If she’s scared of the labels, don’t tell her. And most importantly, did you feel better when you talked to her? If you can’t go, you can take therapy sessions online too. What’s more feasible for you?
Hey love, dont be harsh on yourself . I can see that you have got a love- hate relationship going on with your parents.Dont seek validation from your parents rather seek validation from yourself. You have to believe in yourself before they believe in you.
Yes, i might have that kind of relationship. It’s just that i have am or used to be a very extroverted person who loved being around people, but now because of my line of study (which i didn’t choose) requires me to isolate myself from the rest of the world and also because of the pandemic, i am going crazy and so to escape all that i just lie. And now that i find myself holding the papercutter or just standing infront of the long stairs to harm myself so that i will stop feeling anything, this makes me hate myself. I am not a person who says strong words like Hate or Love to anyone, because i feel like these words are deep… but now i have ended up hating myself
Rahim baig @rahimbaig28
Hey there, myself been in this situation, atlast i got into some random College which at first i dint wanted to join but turns out to be good. You dont have to study hard. make friends have some special time with them go out for movies your life isnt just for studying and staying home always. Friends are the best part of your life.
Yes, i do agree, but the college i joined is almost a dummy which i don’t attend. I am studying for competitive exams along the way which demands me to be prisoned inside my room. I am a traveler which doesn’t help my case at all.
Rahim baig @rahimbaig28
well CA isn’t that easy many people give up at least uh release that you are still trying for it. Sure all your hard work gives the best result in coming days you are doing great
