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sooo.I am an engineering student and i don have a father .my mother takes responsibility of the house and has a lot of expectations on me.But I am not feeling good i tried to take Jee in my puc but failed as i had not read a lot and cet toh boom trash.I got into a colege near our place which is like finee.but it does not have a thhe atatus.yeah! so i planned on taling gate and scoreing good marks in my branch and i chose mechanical engineering.Now i don have the motivation to study i used to excercise at home amd now left it was doing sudarshan kriya and now stopped doing it.I heard that whatever i haveto do i will have to do it from my work and work twicw as hard to get the results.i got unmotivated after that.It is not that i am a bad student I am come in top 3 of my bracnh but with 8.9 or something and my family says it is not enough for the competition outside and the college that i have joined will not contibute anything.My lecturers have great hopes on me anyone who sees me asks me to do IPS or something.But i… loo at me.I am an addict of manga and anime and i watch those when i feel stressed and that is like all the time caz there are many things to be done if i get up and i am scred.huffff
i am in my second year of engineering and yet to start gate prep and i am backing up before trying it out.These day i don feel quite good,i ask god to take my life away as it would free my mother from worrying.I recently found that I might be intrested in the same gender as me and i want to meet someone outsude india and see if that is true as i am confused and if i did not studying i will be married to someone without knowing my preference.I don want that . I t would be great if u some to me thank you

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So basically u are putting too much pressure on ur self calm down u cant change ur life in seconds and if u take so much responsibilty u might get broke soo dont the reason u get demotivated is u got stress and let down periodically like ur father died sorry to hear that then the JEE and then others thing u need to listen 1 thing u are a normal human not a super human u do mistakes u do get up and down so expecting from urself that u do everything is not gonna happen set real goals not thats the key of motivation like u thought u will eat so much on party but when u reach u couldnt finish one dish so expect real and small and for short duration and dont put too much pressurd thst u need to do everything it will all happen all u need to do is smile and keep going