Thought

Profile picture for Now&Me member @banisinghvasir

Bani Singh @banisinghvasir

Hi Now&Meers 🙋
Could I have come up with a better name for us? Probably. But this will have to suffice for now. Might start calling us Meers from now on. Pardon my french.

Jokes aside, last week I turned 23, and with that came a whole host of emotions. From feeling terrified because well, hello, I have obviously peaked by now, and everything just goes downhill from here…to feeling content because of this beautiful gift called life.

There is so much pressure for everyone to do great things in life, that somehow the importance and beauty of small things start becoming unnoticeable over time.

I had started this course called, “The Science of Well-Being” on Coursera, a month back which is a free course offered by Yale. The intended purpose for me to do this was, living a life of contentment that one can be happy about.

Naturally, they gave us an exercise wherein we had to think about 1 thing/act/feeling that we ‘savoured’ in the day. Something that we really took utmost delight in and almost stopped time to try to enjoy. This, for me, inevitably was my cup of tea or playing with my dog.

Also, the task included writing down 5 things that we are grateful for, towards the end of the day. This had to be done for 7 days to cultivate the habit of practising gratitude.

Now, if you’d like, I could share my top 5 things day wise, but to save you the trouble, let me tell you the common theme across all those days.

Every waking day, I felt grateful for my family, my health (physical+mental) and then sometimes the weather, or good food or good friends.

Ultimately, the realisation was the importance of cultivating good bonds that had a positive impact on my existence. Bonds that nurtured me acted as my support system and guided me when I felt lost.

Why this is so important is, because, we often define happiness by this north star success metric, in our personal or professional life, which we wait or work to attain.

But the truth is, happiness is contentment in where I am right NOW. It’s a state of mind, and not a destination or goal attained.

The process, the journey is so beautiful that that’s what we are going to remember forever. Nobody cares to remember their school grades, but we all remember the jokes we used to crack, the classes we skipped, the teachers that scolded us. And it is, for me, these experiences over material things that brought me joy.

Recollecting all that happened in my 23 years of living (years of difficulty included) made me realise the plethora of instances to be grateful for. Grateful to have chosen to fight circumstances, to become my own person, to develop my values and to stand by them. That intrinsic calmness remains unmatched.

So while my birth DAY wasn’t as eventful as one would hope for it to be, the years leading up to it, did the job.

Tell me what some of your fondest memories are. Tell me what you like, what gives you at least some amount of joy in the day. Tell me what more you’d like to know about me. Tell me how old you are! I would love to talk to you all in this thread! 🧡

Profile picture for Now&Me member @pranjalihanda
Profile picture for Now&Me member @rivadhingra
Profile picture for Now&Me member @banisinghvasir
8 replies
Profile picture for Now&Me member @pranjalihanda

Pranjali @pranjalihanda

Hey I am a 15 years old girl. I loved it so much reading all that you wrote. Gave me a sense of joy and the best one was - no one remembers school grades but the fun we had, I agree so much.

I would like to share some Beautiful things that actually joy me up everyday: it includes 1) spending time with atleast 1 part of the nature, it maybe sunset, sunrise, gardens or whatever that way.
2) exploring new music EVERYDAY, even 15 mins are enough, it feels like “yea, there is so much world has to offer”.
3) lastly, my parents stay really busy which is a sad thing, I stay home with my 4 year old sister alone most of the day and whenever I feel low, I tell her, hard to believe, right? She might not understand but she gives me the best hugs ever, tight ones! And I am grateful for my family in such a way.
Writing this made me grateful all along once again. Thank you!

Also I would like to know, what to you do to feel good during low/sad phases?

Profile picture for Now&Me member @banisinghvasir

Bani Singh @banisinghvasir

Hi Pranjal,
Thank YOU so much for writing back! My sister’s almost the same age as you and I’m so happy to see that you’re so appreciative of all the important things in your life.

To answer your question…sometimes I feel low without any reason, I just feel dull and have no explanations for why I’m feeling that way. And other times, I feel low because of something that might have happened.

But no matter what, whenever I feel low, I allow myself to feel low.

What do I mean when I say that? It just means that I allow myself to feel sad as normally as I allow myself to feel happy. I accept that sorrow and sadness, are parts of life too. The trick is, that I try to put an upper limit to when I want to be sad about it till.

So, I tell myself, it’s fine, let’s cry it out, let’s allow myself to feel my feelings. Then, once I feel a bit lighter, and I feel that my logical brain is unable to justify why I should continue being sad…I try to think of my next move. I try to combat the sadness by trying to work on the solution that would take the sadness away.

I try to pick myself up and motivate myself to get going. This sadness, for me, can last sometimes only a few minutes, sometimes even a few days.

What works, again, is the feeling of gratitude. The feeling of viewing my problems from a third person’s point of view and thinking, hmm it’s probably not as bad as I thought. And then pushing myself to get past it.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @rivadhingra

Riva @rivadhingra

Thank you for this much needed reminder of enjoying the pleasures of now. It made me think and feel lighter and better about my day. 💛

Taking out time in your day to be grateful, “savouring” moments of the day or stopping time to enjoy an activity are nothing but forms of seizing the day or how the Latin like to call it, Carpe Diem.
For me the ‘carpe diem moments’ in my day are; enjoying a hot meal, taking a good bath and sunbathing with my dog. ❤️

Profile picture for Now&Me member @banisinghvasir

Bani Singh @banisinghvasir

I’m so glad you could relate @rivadhingra!
I think anybody who has a pet, has the greatest joy and blessing in life 🧡

@alwaysrox

My cats, ages 8 & 2, are my saving grace. Seven months ago I was moved into a “community” with older adults (average age 85, but I just turned 60!); I have my own place, an independent residence, but our community also includes Assisted Living and Skilled Nursing facilities as well…
I am lonely and my cats are my sanity, my companions, my saving grace.
I should stop here cuz my violin is getting tired playing the same old ridiculous melody…

Profile picture for Now&Me member @banisinghvasir

Bani Singh @banisinghvasir

Dear @alwaysrox,

You should never have to stop yourself from saying what you want to!

You are young and vivacious in your spirit, I can tell. And our pets are truly our saviours. But I’m also certain, that you can make the best of what you have if you try. Given that you are now a part of a community, you might find someone like yourself or even the exact opposite for that matter. What’s important here is that sometimes one can form the unlikeliest of friendships. So, give the people around you a chance, and you never know where life may lead you ✈️

Stay bright and cheery always! You’re a legend.

@alwaysrox

Reading your post just now leads me to realize what I long for:
“Grateful to have chosen to fight circumstances, to become my own person, to develop my values and to stand by them. That intrinsic calmness remains unmatched.”
What i would do to achieve what you have in your gratefulness.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @banisinghvasir

Bani Singh @banisinghvasir

Hi again @alwaysrox!
I’m glad we got introduced above. It is truly gracious of you to quote me. The catch here is, that faith and gratitude are never unwavering. They’re like the flicker of a candle, somedays brighter than most. And on those days when gratitude is hard to find, I curl up into a blanket burrito, get my favourite snacks and watch something to release that negative feeling. We’re all struggling, and trying our best to make the most of life, and that’s what matters ❤️

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