Thought

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Anonymous

Hi

I’ve been dating this guy for a year now I am very much in love with him. This is the first time I ever thought about marriage and children seriously, I never cared for those things too much. I mean I always wanted to get married but it was never any rush but I never wanted to have children. Well this past year has been great we’ve done everything together, I helped him to try new things and take chances and he’s taught me to believe in myself. He’s been there for me from the moment we met. You see I’m not from this city I’m originally from New York I took a chance and moved here, I’ve been here for almost two years. We recently got engaged which is great and even came up with a month for this year to get married well elope. Soon after we moved in together which was a huge step for both of us. We didn’t plan on it but it just kind of happened. Anyway a month after we moved in I discovered I was pregnant. Now I always expressed to him that I never wanted to have a child ( if I did decide to have one) without being married first. I knew he felt different about it but he said he understood how I felt and If we were to get pregnant he had no problem marrying me because he loves me. So back to me finding out I’m pregnant I brung up the conversation of marriage again along with our month we originally had planned. Now he says he wants a later date, why do we have to rush, I kind of feel trapped. I don’t want to have an abortion but I don’t want to be anyone’s baby mother. I know we’re engaged but how do I know he won’t change his mind about that too? Did I make a mistake have I been fooled? He says it’s because of this whole pandemic and we don’t know what the next few months are going to be like. Everything been going great but I’m still thinking about him not being sure he wants to marry me. I don’t know what to do this has been on my mind heavy. Ps. I’m 29 and he’s 30.

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5 replies
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Anonymous

How about you try having a very clear conversation about this with him, stating all your worries and apprehensions? I believe that since you are engaged to him, then you must have a good flow of communication between you two. Maybe try and get to know what his feelings and apprehensions are and if the pandemic is something that is actually bothering him or if he’s using it as an excuse. I really think you both should try and work things out which is in accordance to both of your needs, specially since there’s a baby on the way!

Also, many congratulations love! Hope everything is safe, take care!

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Anonymous

Thank you so much!

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Anonymous

Anytime. Do let me know if you have any other worries or apprehensions. I’m here to listen!

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Anonymous

Hey there,
I can’t say I deny how he feels, because he’s right about how uncertain and strange this whole pandemic situation is. So, it really would be a bit difficult to know when to celebrate your wedding. However, I don’t think you’re wrong either to have your own set of doubts, as having a child and marriage are responsibilities to which both people should be equally committed. As stated by the person above, really just directly approaching him with your fears and gauging his response on the basis of that would help you know if he’s genuinely in it or not. Does he know yet that you’re pregnant? And not to be pessimistic or anything, but even if you guys got married, it is no guarantee that he’d stick around after the baby. What if he gets overwhelmed then and decided to leave? Not trying to plant more ideas in your head, but simply trying to discuss that there could be many other reasons and points in time when if the other person wants to leave, they leave. Also, if it isn’t so much about the fanfare of the wedding, then you guys could probably just get married in a simple ceremony and have the actual celebrations later, once all this is over. Hope this all gets sorted out soon, and that you have the best life ever, just how you want it. Much love xx

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Anonymous

Thank you! Yes he knows I’m pregnant he’s always wanted children, me on the other hand not so much that’s why this is such a big deal for me. I will take both advice.

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