It is a raining day here today and I enjoy raining days.
I am looking at the burning incense that my sister gave to me as a gift and also there is the censer that I brought from Spain to remind me the beautiful time I’ve passed in that gorgeous city.
I’ve been there twice. The first time that I was there I wasn’t the same person that I was recently at the second time. That sounds obvious but still those changes impress me. The way I see things changed so much that I cannot connect myself in this moment to who I was before. The abyss is so deep that makes me feel lost. I think I can see things clear now, because I am more into myself, accepting who I am. I am following my truth and being sincere to myself. I believe I was scared by this all. I am afraid to be rejected by who I love. But we all are different and I have to accept it as I accept who I love as they are. I will not deny that it is hard to be the way that feels good to me because of this fear of mine to be rejected. But as times go by I feel my deep desires more intense, they don’t go away. I am facing it step by step, walking on eggshells, and feelings a bit relieved in this chaos in my mind for facing it. The funny thing is that all the stress I am feeling is caused by this fear of mine. Will this fear go away one day? Because if I still feel that, it means that I can do the same mistakes again, I mean hiding myself. What should I do to stop this fear of rejection?
I started recently to be honest to myself and I am trying to stop hiding me from the world even though there is nothing extraordinary, it is just hard to me.
It is my first time writing my feelings online, maybe it helps.
Hope you all have a good day.