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Anonymous

Hi … i just joined nowme i am 31 years old doing job in saudia arabia.I dont know what exactly i am looking for but for sure i want the peace of heart and someone to talk…its been a long time i shared any of my problems with anyone as i felt people will make fun of it …there are so many things that i need to say but from where i should start…

well it starts with my younger age …I ve been get alot of beating from father because of his stressed life and disappointments in my elder brothers he became aggressive and became someone who cannot trust on his child anymore so whenever there is a bad news or something bad happened il get the beating even though it was not my fault …My mother realized and start helping me and loving me the best she can …when it comes to siblings my elder brothers they never loved me they hated me for what i was someone close to my father and mother…Even for the father deep inside he loved me because i was the only one not retaliating his beatings or using bad words i always respected them as they were my parents and even in that age i understood that somehow frustration of my father was not wrong… We are 4 siblings 2 brothers elder then me and a sister younger then me …
i grew up feeling unloved from my elder brothers which makes me think i should always love my sister as i know what it felt to be lonely and unloved …when i was studying my father had an heart attack and doctors advised him to take rest and discontinue his work … so i had to return and starting finding the job as other elder brother were living separate and i had to take care of my mom sister and father.In that time i managed to find a job and start making the bread for my home.This job also brings a lot of dissatisfaction in my life as i was under paid and in saudi arabia rules are tough its not easy to change your company if company doesnt want which brings no growth in job but i had to work hard for covering my home expenses as well my sister education i started another job evening part time …so finally i was able to running the finance effectively…i was happy that i can provide to my family in that time i tried to amend good relations with my elder brothers but unfortunately i always get the hate from them as they thought my parents only loved me and not them…according to my parents they told me that you are the one providing for us and supporting this home during bad times and they never helped you they never think about their sister and us so how we can love them more then you …but i know in deep heart of parents all childrens are same to them…

i never managed to maintain relations with them although their was only my sister whom i loved and cared and even though on my tough nights i couldn’t share my pain or sorrow with them because i was the one taking care of them i cannot show them that i am sad or in pain it would have broken them …as the time passed my sister finished her education and now it was my another responsibility to marry her…Then my father found groom from one of his friends son in Pakistan.We discussed on the matter and i was not agreed as the groom had no match with my sister she was graduated and the groom was not even went to school for her future i had too many fights with my father and he start hating me for opposing his decision and start call me like my brothers…After sometime i have to accept their decision and let her marry with that guy and i flew for Pakistan …the guy know i was opposing the decision make him think i was enemy for him and start hating me as well he start filling ears of my father which results in hate for me from my father as well from sister as sister was bound to trust more on her husband…

My Father starts recalling the relations with my brother and start hating me as well in his hate he sell his property and with all that money he arrange a business for my brother in law and let him have it.

After sometime my father passed away i went to his funeral and did what a son could do his best.on his funeral i gathered with my siblings we had a small moments and then everything went back to as it was they start hating me my mother she still loved me and always stood my side.After his death and several home problems i decided to buy home in pakistan and start living our life…we have a small house in the area where my my sister was married …

My mom is living their as my sister wants her to be with her and then i want her to shift in city with me but upon my sister and brother in law decision they are now telling her to live in the area where no hospital no park no life necessities are near to be found .I am diabetic as well my mother is , i want her to shift with my in city where i can take good care of her but now after thinking a lot she is saying i will stay in that area near my sister and she want to me go city …and then she is saying if you love me for my sake just start living here.For her i can do anything and deep inside i am also a human being i do have feelings i always gave sacrificed when it needed.I was the one always unloved i know it sounds bad but how could a father support his daughters husband instead of a lost son who always faded his emotions his needs my whole life i provided my hard times when i window shoped the things which my cousins and other friends was using …the sister whom i cared more then a daughter now hates me for no apparent reason… all i ever wanted to be loved to be supported .Now my relatives are laughing at me that his father gave business to his son in law and his own son doing a pathetic job in saudia arabia… i dont want money all i always wondered why despite all my sacrifices i am the one suffering … i feel lonely i had nose operated last month and no one was beside me at that time …i see peoples coming for their beloved ones in the hospital but i was alone…my whole life i tried to make my family happy even my brothers hated me i bring toys gift everything for their childrens on occasions but they are not ready to accept me as their own … Sometime i am whatsapping my sister to ask how is everything i will received the replies in alot of days and un conviencing replies …i do not know what i had done wrong …to be honest i feel like stupid running after the things which never meant to be mine…

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2 replies
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Anonymous

I just read everything you wrote…you are just 31 years old and you have gone through so much in life…you are one of the strongest people I have known about honestly…thank you for sharing this with us here…
What I think is that whatever you did for your family…you did without any expectations and you did because you care and love about them…that is who you are as a person…I am so proud of you for that honestly…you are so selfless and loving and it is so beautiful to see that people like you still exist in the world…please take care of yourself…I wish you all the happiness in the world honestly…would just want to say that don’t let anything change you or change you from being the kind person you already are…

@destiny123

thank you so much for your words it makes me feel better…dear in my life being strong was not my option it was an obligation to keep my home intact…i will try not to change but obviously deep inside me alot of damage already done…but still i appreciate your time to listen my thoughts and i will follow your advice…

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