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@helloitshannah

Hi. I have observed that every move that I make, my mom mostly makes a big problem out of it. Just like last time, I had a haircut but it seems to be too short for her. She says in tagalog “ang iksi kasi ng gupit mo eh, kaya yan tuloy ang panget.” in English it means, “You cut your hair too short, now look it looks ugly.” I feel like my choices aren’t right. Every single thing I do is wrong. Can ya’ll help me out? I have no one to talk to about this.

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Profile picture for Now&Me member @drbose
4 replies

Amaan Khan @amaan88

Its not that ur every move is wrong
I’ve been there
Moms always observe us minutely
And if she is telling u something to improvize then you don’t need to blame yourself for your choices
You just need to know that everyone can’t have same mindset so if someone improvizes you or criticise you
You shouldn’t think about it all the time
And stop victimising yourself
Be positive and confident 🙌

Profile picture for Now&Me member @st1199

Simran @st1199

Hello!
It’s completely normal. It’s a reaction to what you did. I am hoping it was said for fun although she meant it but not in a way to make you feel bad (there is nothing to feel hurt about).
My mom says too when she doesn’t like something or criticizes certain things I did in the past. It’s for my betterment. And it’s my choice to keep her words in mind or not. Similarly, you need to decide what to keep and what to ignore.

Ask her sometimes why did you say this? Why aren’t you liking it? What could have been in a place of that? Things like these will make you understand her point of view as well.

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Anonymous

Toxic mother? Well join the club. Right from my choice of clothes to my taste in music and food, she has a say in everything. And when I tell her to stop and that all these comments actually hurt me emotionally a lot she goes on and says all said and done is just for your own good only. How is it any good if it affects my mental peace? So I used to get really mad about it. The constant nagging and blaming was unbearable. But then I decided to let it go. I set my mind that she’s going to be a constant source of stress in my life even if she’s unaware of that. So I chose for a better coping stratergy. Do not get bothered by what she says. Yeah, sounds quite weird and hard but honestly you just have to take the other way. Don’t get back at her, don’t piss yourself off just chose to go the other way. Listen to what she has to say, nod and retract. Then do whatever you want. Works.
I hope you find what you’re looking for. She’s your mother afterall. Toxic or not. She’s just unaware of the fact that she’s hurting you while trying to protect you. So forgive your mom, for not loving you the way you want to be loved. Then forgive yourself for all the self doubt and questioning you went through. It’ll be okay. Trust me.
I’ll leave my instagram id in case you wanna talk about it. I’m here for you. Drop a text.
Id - geetashree.swain

Profile picture for Now&Me member @drbose
@drbose

You are the queen of your own life. Believe in yourself. I believe you look great, please feel good about yourself.

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