hi
i generally find it hard to feel like i belong to a group. i usually feel excluded, isolated, or even disliked even though this might not be true at all (idk about the latter honestly). also, i feel very lonely most times.
i am at my summer break right now. i study abroad so I haven’t seen my friend group from my highschool for a while, but we talked online throughout the last year. now, we are having a vacation together, but I realize that I feel very lonely (as lonely as ever) with them.
maybe it’s that we slightly disconnected, or that i still hold some grudges over some past conflicts that i decided not to dig up and resolve with some of my friends because it was such a long time ago and i don’t feel like it matters to them.
I don’t feel like i belong to the only long-lasting group of friends that i have and feel like i don’t matter (not like it is a new feeling to me, but i am upset over the fact that i feel like this even though i am surrounded by my closest friends).
it would be fine for me if that was just a passing, temopary feeling. however, i feel like that very often, almost all the time. i don’t know how to stop making myself feel excluded and overthink every interaction that i have with other people.
