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โš•๏ธDepression

๐Ÿง‘Anxiety

๐Ÿ˜ฐStress

๐Ÿ’—Relationships

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Anonymous

Hi,
I am 25 yrs old and working in an mnc. My parents are looking for matches and when asked me about any special requirements i told them i donโ€™t have any so simple one like please look a groom till 30yr old and package has to be more than mine. so far its good. I will share the types of mentalities of my parents then will come back to this thing.
I am very studious in school and always in top 5. So i wanted to do medicine then my mainly my mom didnt allow me to take bi.p.c, you know why becuase my school principle told her that i am very good at maths so i have to go for engineering. i am very well decided that i dont want to go for engineering then they somehow managed and convinced me to go for maths. i have taken maths and done my inter(+2). Then i came to know about CA program and i was so much inspired with all ted talks and decided to go for it. Again the same thing my mother opposed and took me near some stupid person for brainwashing and after all the drama i have created they didnt let my decision win and i have joined in Btech. i scored enough marks and got placed in MNC in final year.
I took a break for around 6-7 months after college and joined the company. Those 6 months i stayed in my home. I dont know why my mother dont like me or something she has literally showed me hell for taking a break. Daily she used to bring a topic and argue with me and i have to happen to cry and then think whether she is my real mother or i git exchanged in the hospital๐Ÿ˜Œ. Are all mothers in this way or only her. My frnds are very happy with their mothers unlike me.
I dont understand why the hell she treats me in that way. I have younger sister and she looks after her very well. During btech i used very basic mobile whereas my sister after passing inter she gifted her a mobile worth 10k. watever she does my mother supports. Even if i buy a dress without asking her she will scold and argue like i have committed some crime. I always feel like she is not my mother. Even though i help her in the household chores, she never recognizes it and indeed tells everyone that i am lazy and never help her. I thought of running away from home and also thought of suicide many times.

Coming to my current situation:
my package is around 5lpa. I want my future husband to be earning well around 8lpa. But she(my mother who acts worst than step-mother) is instigating and brainwashed my dad that since i am working i got too much pride and have become egoistic person, so i am not accepting any matches.
the first match i got they came to see me so i was dressed properly but her complain is that i didnโ€™t dressup like she told i didnโ€™t like the guy so it got rejected. Almost 6 months i have rejected. I got a match recently all seemed fine and she usually gives over hype to everybody who comes to see me. She tells me that the groom family is very rich, boy is earning 10 lakhs per annum and his family is very good and we know them from childhood bla bla bla. I know very well she is telling all lies so that i will accept the match and leave house asap. The groom side people has come to see me and when myself and the boy stood behind each other the boy is 2 inches less than me. everybody can see that but she is trying to prove that the boy is of equal height. How cheap it is when others are telling that the boy is short she never listens and then since she liked the boy i have rejected saying that the boy is short. I spoke to him personally he didnโ€™t have any career aspirations and indeed asked me to reduce little bit weight.

Same drama again and again. they brought me a 33 year old match and bluffed like never before. My point is OK I want to get married but let me decide at least this one month. When i look back in the past all the important decisions were exclusively made by her and i am not even happy with my current job. I have learned one thing and working on other platform.

Why does she behave with me in that way? Instead of her torture i feel like dying so that she donโ€™t have to get me married. She influences my dad too in such a way he too agrees to her and he is another level.

She never asks me to eat or never look after me well. Even if donโ€™t eat she never asks to eat. She never keeps food in plate and asks to eat whereas she feeds my younger sister. If i tell her i am hungry can you serve the food the dialogue coming out is go and have it yourself. Does everyone behaves in the same way? I have always tried to be good to her and even got her sarees whenever i come home.

Instead of this torture i am feeling like what if i do suicide? She can have her younger daughter and live happily. Donโ€™t have to answer anyone about my marriage?

๐Ÿฉ
Profile picture for Now&Me member @indu
2 replies
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Anonymous
โ€ข

Hi i so get you. I have similar experiences with my mother . I am sorry you had have to go through this, but trust me ending your life can never be an option. If you feel your mother has made all the choices for you till now, i think you should go out and decide who you want to marry for yourself that way you will be happier than in another forced choice which you have no ideas how it will turn out in the future. Probably she has had different experiences and doesnt understand you , but you are a wonderful independent girl , who doesnโ€™t necessarily need everyoneโ€™s acceptance on your life decisions now. Also, tbh the pressure of getting married is nonsensical. You should take your time and do it only when it feels right.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @indu
@indu
โ€ข

Thatโ€™s a serious problem you haveโ€ฆ I just want to say one thing: Do not let others influence your marriage. Because it determines your future. One wrong step, then u will really think that death is better. So do not let yourself fall into that situation. If I were you, I would shout at my mom and ask if she wants to spoil my life. If this doesnโ€™t work, then before your mom influences your dad, you go and talk to him alone. Then he will probably understand. Do your best in making him come to your side. Ask them to give you enough time as this is life changing decision. On the other side, you yourself go and look for a nice husband. Take matters into your hands and tell them that you can search for a husband yourself and ask them not to bother with it.
I hope it helps u and I hope u find a kind and understanding husband.๐Ÿ˜„ Take careโ€ฆ

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