 Hi guys new on this platform .. i found it on insta reels .. i just don't know how to feel right now. I feel like wasting time n not doing anything productive .. i feel empty and sad .. its like all my friends left me and i had a breakup from a 3 year long rln one year ago .. i feel like every thought is suffocating me still.. my bestie left me without telling me why ..

Its okay, you will be fine . Right now youre mess . Just improve one thing a day . 

Anxiety

i am 39 years guy married and working in private company . I was very happy when i was in college and school i have always motivated my self . After marriage i came to Delhi even my job  was left ... I stayed with my wife means no friend was there and i came in depression . I started taking depression medicine as suggested by doctors . In beginning we were not in condition to afford child . later we checked the doctor she said my wife have to go through surgery and IVF  we did all but it was not success ... Now its become nearly 13 years of marriage , my wife is busy with her own stuff writing something . I stay in Delhi but here people don't have time for others ..Even i go to GYM regularly , office even then i am depressed. Now a days in lockdown We have to work from home and gym is also closed . Even all my family members are busy they don't have time to talk to me. Even my wife is busy she like to be alone ..Now i am feeling totally alone and depressed.. Even i take anxiety medicine but at evening i usually take 4 can of beer to get sleep . Most of time i am feeling Alone no one to talk or hangon  I am afraid that i might get  more depressed in coming time.Please suggest me how to deal it  

COVID-19

I am fighting with almost every problem from last five years, temporal, financial, mental, physical.  Don't know, I do everything, every time I also fight with the situation, but now I am not able to dare this time, don't know why now it seems that I stop, whatever will happen will be seen, now it seems that God should call me.  I never gave up, got cheated by my own people, even then I stood up, got drunk, gambled everything, then left it, saw my loved ones go away, still fought, suffered humiliation, still fought, but can't do it now.  Perhaps this is the end of my story and anyway the end is the beginning. I m  just 28 years old .. This time i can't ..dont know why.

Depression

Sometimes people hurt me without realizing it and i never say anything at all bc i don’t want them to think i’m being too sensitive or that i’m overreacting, or that i’m a weak person, or that i’m insecure etc… 
But it really does affect me a lot, I also don’t know why, i shouldn’t let such small things get to me but i always do and so many times i find myself holding back tears. Most of the time it’s over something very stupid and something that shouldn’t make me feel hurt, at least not that much.. idk why i’m like this, I wish i wasn’t so sensitive. 

Other

i can’t do this anymore. i.. i don’t even know what to say, i’m just so exhausted by everything. I don't have no one around me and I just miss everyone. Everyday I feel worse and worse and worse. I wanna do it and this time I won't fail. I won't stop anymore no matter what. “Life gets better” “think about other” maann fuck them, how about me? Does anyone even know how bad I am feeling or do they just don't care and the sentence “think about other” is just bullshit, who should I think? My whole life I never have been someones significant other. Everytime I am the one that leaves behind. I am the one that is okay to get hurt by others words but as soon as I say something I am the bad guy. I can't be loved and I can't love anyone. In my family I feel like I am the lowest and that it don't actually matter what I am doing bc I'm not that important. So tell me who should I think? Who in this world would feel pain if I leave? Huh? No one, exactly. “Life gets better” I hate that sentence I can't truly say why but I just hate it. First I thought it was true but when days started to go weeks and weeks turned into years i just stopped listening that sentence. I am not even 18, people or adults often tell me that my life isn't even hard yet so why keep going? Or how about the angry inside me that they tried to cure, its already unstoppable so what do you think happens if I just let it grow inside of me? I just end up hurting everyone. I am a problem. I wanna end it, that's my fantasy. No more suffering.

Suicidal Ideation

My mind has been in **Survival Mode** from a really long time. I didn't really understand it earlier, but after learning about this I got to know why I feel like I am lagging behind the people of my age. Living 18 years in a house with Alcoholic father, crying and emotionally weak mother who burdened her emotions on her kids and never really tried to understand them, I am still trying to figure out how has it affected me because I can clearly see it in my behavior and relationships. It's like I never really knew I existed and drained myself in family issues and five years one sided love which I just couldn't let go because it made me feel something snd helped me from running myself even more. 

I don't know, just trying to learn how to be happy alone and not be dependent on anyone whether it's emotion or finance. 

Relationships

Hopeless. Drowning. Only if someone could hear me out. 

Social Anxiety

Sometimes i am super happy but sometimes i am very sad. Some days i feel i can manage things so well. But wen there are bad days i feel horrible to the extent of thinking about taking my life as well. I was never such a person. I was always happy chirpy bol smart confident nd self motivated. But ever since i got married things changed. My MIL is the biggest problm in my life ryt now. Wen shes around( which is most of the time) i feel damn depressed. Nd wen she is not around. I feel like that happy chirpy confident girl. Its a long story. I dnt knw how to express all here. Also i dont knw if someone has the patience to listen to me. But i badly need someone. May b therapist or a frnd who can help me get through this. Because now its not possible for me to handle everythng alone

Some endings are beautiful too🌸
Yes in the process you will feel hurt but end result is worth 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts