Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Hi Guys! Im a 24 year old woman depressed actually i wanna end myself but there is one thing that stopping from doing that but yeah it still triggers me to do something to myself but atleast i try to think of something else. Way back 2019 month of January i was hitting a high sales, receiving good amount of incentives that was the milestone of my life to receive some good cash to provide it to my family My Mother & Father doesn’t have a job i have a sister she likes alot & i try my best to give it all, we dont own a house not even a car or any expensive things all my life i live by the money of aunts my two auntie work abroad and sent us money hands down to them because she’s always there to help, but not all the time but still i am very thankful knowing them… my parents are good but no as other parents they are manipulative example you want to work abroad so i wont rely to my aunt so i can earn to build our ouwn house my parents would probably say no you can’t make it, you have other options you can work near us my parents have anything to say… they always blocked my plans even on having someone to love, actually i lived in a box afraid of outside because that is how my parents raised us thats why people think we’re dumb. It hurts but i think its for good.maybe. back to my problem my parents starting to ask alot of things from me i gave them half of my salary and my incentives also actually my salary is just good for supplying foods per month i must say when i receive i started to spend it to eat i ate buy some things that i never needed…i started borrow money from anyone believing i can pay all of it because i can receive money from high sales January to April was a good month i didnt kept any money i didn’t save anything May was the start of my struggle i am loosing sales starting borrowing money believing i can still hit my sale i am starting to earn basic salary which is 578 pesos per day 578x15 days minus the 2 rest day equals to 7,514 worth $150 every 15 days that kind of salary cannot fed my fam. I even get my expenses from i budget it so hard. Im loosing i try to start business by selling bags but it turns out nothing i also borrow the capital to buy the bags worth $10,000 and even the monthly rent i pay for the store is only another debt i am drown in debt, then i met one of my who i borrowed money a huge amount to pay the one where i get the capital to pay the bags even the rent thank god to them in short im starting to pay debt from another debt because i aint hitting any sales im am dying i try every online business even trading but i got scammed now i dont know what to do i am starting to loose sleep, appetite to eat all i was thinking was how i was gonna pay them 😭 the woman i met where i borrow huge amount is forcing me now to pay but we talked that i can pay it all within 18 months i lose my job due to corona virus my father got sick i dont know what to do but one thing is i learn dont expect too much & dont spend too much build a investment buy things that you really need i learn my lesson now all i wanna do is to pay every debt i made… i am going crazy i cry everynight it was all my fault… i got so hype because i never done or bought those things ever… i wish someone could help me 😭🙏 i always pray at night that God will help me… sorry for its really long i have more to say. Thank you guys! Lesson learned for me please pray for me.