Probably you need someone to share,if that is the case , conversation is open!!
& You actually took the responsibility for sharing this here instead of doing something stupid!!
IDK about your parents,but I think parents are incapable of bad wishes for their child & I hope your parents just want you to take full responsibility of your life,as they are getting older & they need a strong person to fallback upon!!
& The good news is you had the courage to overcome your thoughts,you already are strong but still struggling with responsibilities, what I would suggest is do a solo travel (spend time with yourself)or take a vacation or whatever just get away from everything that is disturbing your emotional state and spend some time with yourself with mindfulness.
