Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Hi!
Everything was start when I am kid. From starting I love to be alone, I love to play alone, I always eat alone.
I only eat few times with my family. My parents told me to eat with family not alone but it’s my habit that I can’t change.
After some years when I am in 8th my mother angery on me in small mistakes and scold me. One time she scold me so much in anger i take a pin and sracht my arm. But I didn’t tell them and hid it from them and my sister. After some month my sister start to prepare her college entrance exam everyone cheer him soo much. My sister have a habit she cried in all situation for her didn’t matter situation is big or small. From college entrance exam 10 days before she cried and told parents that she can’t do exam. After somuch time she understands and her confidence come back. But other hand I want to told something to parents, but my father said they are bussy so go to ur room. On that day I don’t know what I want to tell my parents.
After this lockdown comes. My all family members staying at home, my father told everyone to that today onwards we all family members eat to gether . From that day we start eating again all 3 time food but after some month I feel lonely again, because everyone share their feelings and thoughts to everyone. But no one listens to me they all Said i talked so fast. But not only this they start ignoring me . And after this I stop talking to them again my online class was start so my morning is full of classes so I eat my food on my room.
When my final paper comes 1 month before our classes will start. I always go to school with my grandfather and he comes to take me after school. One day dad said today he comes to take school. I am really soo much happy. But on that day after school my dad didn’t come I thought he is on traffic but after 1/2 hour i call her he said he forgot on that time i almost cried up . He said he told grandfather to take me at school he is on his way to school. I am soo anger. How can a father forgot her daughter. After some day i told mother to give me some money i want to buy some stationary. She said after school take to your grandfather. I said ok but remained this to grandfather because it’s important. After school i said to grandfather for money he said he didn’t take her wallet from home. When i arrived at home I asked mother she said she forgot.
That time i cried and said harshly that dad forget me you forgot something about me one day come and everyone forgot about me.
From that day I felt that dad didn’t love me anymore. When I prepared something delicious for her and asked about taste it’s delicious your sister cooks well. He didn’t think it made by me. After someday…
When i am playing with my small sis she cried my father said it’s because of me he said i always make her cry he said now you are big don’t do these things and do study.
These words hurt me and I stop eating. When my mother ask did I eat i said yes
I also stop drinking water. But next day my dad smiles and laughs with my sister my sister starts to talk harshly with me and start fight but my dad scold me that I did all this.
I am so angry and in angr I eat all medicines next day i almost passed out. I try so much not to drink water but I feel dizzy so I drink it and sleep. When i wake up i thought what i do past 3 days. Why I am jealous of my sister i do crazy things at that moment I felt awkward about my self and stop dreaming all nonsense. When i angery or sad i ate something and crys in my room. After that when my mom or dad scold me i cryed in my room and after that I smiled like a mental.
Now my sister is always out of station because of studies but when my sister is not at home my father likes what i made but when she come in holiday and i make something he said it’s a garbage what i made.
Some months ago doctor told me for specs i said to my mother that I want metal frame specs but my mother said no because metal specs are not that good like other in simple words plastic.
And 2 days ago doctor said to my sister for specs and today my father brought her specs with metalic frame. What a fun
When i want to talk to my father my sister always stops me and start talking to dad when i want to share something she told me to go and study. When i asked my parents for something firstly they didn’t listen to me if my mom listen to what i want or thing i need and she buy the thing, the thing is not what i want and said that this is not what i want then she said your sister told me this is good for studies. And give the thing to me but didn’t listen to me what i want. Me and my sister both study from different school different atmosphere. They never understands me my mom 50% understands but my dad he only 2%. I am so frustrated. I want they both love me equal I know every parent love their all child but my dad not love anymore and I think he is right why he love the girl who is not perfect in anything. I am not perfect in studies but my sister is good when she is in 10th she got 85% and 100 marks in maths. My math is weak, i don’t like science, i love to study sst but my marks are not that good. My sister brought medals in cooking or racing. I also brought but my is 1 browns and 1 silver and my sister 2 browns and 1 gold . She is perfect. I like taekwondo but last time i played i am in 8th after that lockdown comes and i didn’t play anymore my sister brought medals in 12th. But my father loves her not me. I am sick of this. I don’t want this anymore and I don’t want the things I do in my past that’s why I need ur help.
One more thing, when i am alone I talked to my self just like fairy tales. I always thinking about something crazy just like fiction storys. I never told a inch of this to my parents plz help me