It’s a bit long share, but It might will open something up for you.
Here goes my sharing.
I am around 9 years old, my whole family visit my पिताजी (grandfather) house, and I am excited to share me being third in my class, it is an achievement for me but my पिताजी is not listening to me, he is interested in my cousin’s achievement since he came first in the class and I said to myself that मैं अजय के जितना समझदार नहीं हूं, मैं बेवकूफ़ हूं , I need to show I am intelligent to get the attention from my pitaji. Since then I have been hiding my dumbness and showing I am intelligent.
Impact on me, There is a constant energy is been consumed in hiding my dumbness and showing how much intelligent I am. There is a CONSTANT struggle.
I have done many courses, MBA, mindvalley, juggling, guitar but all at medioker level, know many things but not being master in that. Since it was just to show that how much i know.
Even in learning something new, there is a constant struggle that I am not dumb I have to be fast in learning, that doesn’t give me the moment by moment experience and fulfilment of learning.
My business expansion opportunities are there but I don’t do them since it occurs to me as small. I deserve better since I am intelligent.
Relationship with my wife, I show her that I am smarter then her, which impacts her not being heard as an individual. She is always in a constant battle of proving her that she is also having worth.
My daughter : my oneness with my daughter, since she is good in school and a good student, I have a fear that she would know how dumb I am, so showoff in front of her. बच्चों को सब समझ में आता है…
My brother and father, they both occurs to me as nothing they achieved in life, I don’t respect them.
What’s missing is embracing and gratitude
Whats possible now is I can embrace people’s humanity. Not throughing venom on them.
How should I reply?
- Read the thoughts carefully to understand the emotions behind them.
- Take your time to think before your respond.
- Your words matter. Use them to show support.
- Try to be as honest and open-minded as possible.
- Personal responses go a long way in keeping the community kind, loving and empathetic.