Hi everyone, i wanted to share something with someone as im not sure if thats a corrext kind of thunking or not, and i May be wrong in my judgement.
My family got me as the head of a business i didnt want as soon as i was 18, three years later its still not functioning but ive a ton of loans on my name. In the meantime i found a bf Whom i moved in with, helped me out of my depression and explained to me that my parents are toxic People Who keep blaming me for the failure of their business because i was in a different town studying and working smth else. My mom has always been all about herself, and money, and nothing i did was ever good enough. Till age 20 i had 0 confidenxe because of that, and when i was 18 she got so drunk one night she decided she wants to walk the streets and i went to bringherback. She got mad i didnt want to go with her and she swung a fist at me. I couldnt dodge in time, so i was spitting blood and two pieces of my braces fell off due to hit. Since then i didnt want to have to do anything with her and moved the hell out to live and study in a different town. To this Day she calls me a piece of worthless trash that wont amound to anything ever. They are now stuck for money, once again, and i wanted to help out so i went home for a bit, even my boyfriend comvinced me i had to lend them a hand. As soon as i steoped home they began separating us as according to them he was pulling me away from them, and bc apparantly i owe them to stay there for at least 3 to 6 more years and work, plus leaving my boyfriend.
Since i was afraid he contacted a home abuse agency for me, as a week ago i had my arm in a sling bc of my Mother. She hit me because i wanted to leave the kitchen and She didnt allow me. They said i have to get out of here asap, or they Will ruin me. But my parents say ill never have a family and that thatre gonna ruin my life if i leave them. Constant stress, anxiety through the roof that i got to chill pills, fear, its all driving me insane. What should i do, do you think i should stay after all, Just bc they are family?
Just because they are family ? i really dont think that opinion should come into your mind right now. were they your family when you got you braces cut off ? really sorry to be harsh but were they your family when you got a sling in your arm ? see i really do not know who you are or what you have actually been through, but your post here suggests truly that you need to focus on you. you dont deserve all this. one life and just live it out ! be yourself !
Also i am here if you need to ask questions, if you want to reach out or just simply need someone to talk to;)
Thanks a lot for replying to me, ah im always worried to share whats on my mind as it May annoy someone or be concidered as not worthy of the discussion. You actually reminded me that i do need to focus on me, i got so lost in helping and paying attention to others through their own messes, that i neglected me and i lost myself in it. To be honest i dont even know how to focus on myself at this point, as im pulled in two opposite directions by parents and bf, and ALL are throwing rocks and knives at each other, but since i am in the middle im the only one getting actually hit. Im tired of my family, but feel bad abandoning my dad Who was my good parent. Im growing more and more irritated by my boyfriend bullshit and his demands that i give everything up for him while i have to plead for him to make a step to help me out. Neither direction really is a good one for me, and it has driven me insane. Today i received an invitation, athird option, by my ex Who remained as a good friend to me, Who offered to Just move in with him until things settle down and i get back on my feet. But even that isnt an option that Pink. I want to be a good daughter, i want my dad to be proud, i want to fix my relationship with my boyfriend, but it feels like everyone refuses to meet me half way. Im sorry to rant to you so much, i dont realize how much i have to say until i actually start taking. Ahh, do you maybe have some advice for me in this crossroads? I admit i dont have much experience to go on by, and thus resort to sites like these and friendly strangers such as yourself, to get a second opinion.
Hey there, this is a reply to your second message as for reason the reply button after my previous comment wouldnt work:
firstly, you really dont need to worry about sharing your mind, even if im unknown person.
You said that your dad was the good parent. if you trust him then you should definately go mend your relationships with him. maybe talk a walk in the park with him alone or go for a coffee together. if you really dont want to abandon him, then why dont make an effort to mend relationships with him. be honest with him and ask him to be honest with you as well. just talk your heart out with him. tell him your problems and how you actually feel.
next your boyfriend. you need to tell him that yes his demands are important but right now you are stuck between a well and a valley. tell him how you plan to mend your relationship with your dad. chances are your bf thinks hes trying to help you out but actually he isnt. i know ive said it before but you need to explain it to him. talk. sit, get comfortable and talk. communication is the key to a relationship.
next of to your ex, see i dont really know the cause of your breakup but acording to me if you guys decided to seperate it was for a reason, not that he can take advantage of you when you need someones help. again, i do not know the type of guy he is or his nature. but i think you should first focus on the 2 most current, important and delicate relationships in your life: your bf and your dad. and sorry to be this hard but you will have to do it alone. there will be difficulties opening up and talking after a long time like in the case of your dad but beleive me its worth it. just stick by your own side. dont give up on yourself.
let me know if this was helpful. always here for more help or if you want to talk to someone. dont feel shy and no, its never weird talking about your feelings:)