3am Thoughts

Guys?? Wanna talk.. (24+ atleast) 

Acquaintance

Never and never ever get too attached to someone.. Life lesson I have with me now.

Other

Undesired and Unloved.

Do you ever think love is not for you? Not because you’ve been in loads of relationships and realised you can’t give or receive love. Not because you have dated and felt empty, but more because there is no one there for you. I always dream of fairy tail romance with kind, caring guys who don’t just want to sleep with me but actually want to talk to me. A guy who over text Instead of trying to figure what that mouth do he’s asking me about Plato or Aristotle and we’re talking about life. The reason I know I’m dreaming is because I never see these things. Although, I know it’s not just because it does not exist but mainly due to fact it’s not present in my life currently or ever. This links to my feeling of being undesirable. No one wants to hold my hand or go on a date. No one wants to know  what I’m wearing or where I’ve been. No one wants to know me in general in that way and it’s strange. Not because I’m big headed or overly pretty. I feel none of those things. It’s strange because I’m actually a nice person I have guy friends and we get on great but it’s always on a friendship basis. I have realised I seek that feeling of want, being wanted and being desired. I want to feel like you wish you could be with me. But that’s all it is a wish. 

Smiling always throat anothers will be change

I don't have any motivation in my life anymore. I'm getting tired of everything. People said my life is perfect because i have everything. I'm a straight A student-athletes. At first i enjoyed it because i envy siblings who always get praised for their achievement, and when i started to have achievement that are mostly in sports, my parents also started to compliment me. It does makes me happy, because who doesn't like their parents recognition,right? But it started to feel wrong. This isn't what i want anymore, i don't enjoy it. All of the past years doing this shit, i don't even know about myself. There's too much pressure. My parents started to pressured me to have a perfect grade, that i need to make it to the highest level of championship, i need to be an obedient child. They want me to be able to do all of that. But they don't realize that they have never even once appreciate me, there's no "you've done great" there will always be "you can do more, don't be satisfied of what you've achieve". I don't even know why i'm doing all of this, i keep wondering why. I barely know myself. I started to think that i do all of this to receive my parents compliment 
but its tiring, and when i don't have any achievement, they will ignore me, not like not giving me food or else, but ignoring me like not making too much conversation, it makes me feel sad. But, doing all of this, it's feel like i don't have time to take a breath. I need to go practice at the morning, then studying and go straight to practice again. I'm really exhausted physically and emotionally. When doing all of that, in my mind there is only one thing, that i need to finish it as perfect as i can even if its harmful for me. I know that when people around me says 'you are never enough, you are weak' they say it to motivate me. But it's actually makes me feel like I'm nothing or I'm not worth anything. Every two month, there is time where i only lay down at my bed for two weeks because i don't have the energy to stand or basically I'm sick, i started to lose appetite and i barely eat every day. It's hard for me to eat, my sleep schedule have been crazy that i only get to sleep 3 or 4 hours a day. And I'm losing weight every month. Is it normal? Because when i tell my family about this, they always say it's normal that it's just a phase. It's been so hard for me and i started to not feeling anything, like the feeling of happiness or sadness. I even asking myself every morning why am i still alive and praying that i'll dead every night. I'm not even scared of death anymore. I'm not even an adult yet. But, i don't even recognize myself.

Exhausted

I have exam from 18th Nov
T.y.b.com 
And I'm confused what to do 
Like Tomorrow I'm gonna study FA but what should I do today 🥲
Tax it's seems easy but i need revision
I was doing costing yesterday, economics i have read only 1st and 4th module
MHRM I've read 1st module 
Which subject should i study today 
Economics or MHRM...? 


Education

ANGRY

Cheating

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and 4 months now, things are going great. But lately, his ex girl best friend has been making me feel a little suspicious and frustrated. She's really beautiful, has a good figure, we even used to date for a bit. But now, just seeing her makes my blood boil for some reason. A long time ago, while talking about her, I called her pretty and he agreed and called her "beautiful". I know it was a long time ago, but I still think if it to this day.
Now, though, his view of her changed - so he says - and he'll sometimes even diss her. But sometimes I feel like he's just saying those things to make me feel less shitty. He knows I don't like her and he knows what I don't like about her. But I see him glance at her sometimes. They'll be quick glances or sometimes he even turns slightly to glance at her. I'm not sure if it's him noticing her or noticing me noticing her.
There have been instances where her and her sister have seen us or me and whisper something to each other after looking at us. There was a basketball game one time at school, where - out of all the possible empty seafs in our huge gym - her and her sister sat right in front of me and him. We shared a confused look and needless to say, my night was ruined. Luckily, though, he moved us away to different seats. 
Then the next night, at dinner, they walked into thr cafeteria not long after seeing us walk in and sat down at the table directly next to us, facing us. Another night ruined. 
And finally, last night, I was alone at another basketball game for a while until my bf made it. Once he did and we sat down, they moved to sit across the gym - directly across from us not long after. Then, during half time, they moved to sit behind us, just a couple rows up.  Then at the beginning of 4th, they moved back across the gym. I'm not sure if she's up to something or if I'm just insecure but I'm really starting to feel put off by her. Someone please suggest something. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts