Heyyy... friends wassupp it's really too boring without any friends in real life...🥺

Abhi

Friends

random rant

I love the thought of psychical touch but when someone touches me I'm disgusted. maybe it's bc I don't like the people that touch me but I realized it's not it (btw I never initiate contact unless I stumble or smth) I always find something annoying when a person touches me like my friends who I like a lot hugged me but I found her scent annoying (not that she stinks it just bothers my nose), another friend touched my hand and it was too warm and icky for some reason idk why I always find ridiculous faults in ppl when they touch me but I always want to get hugged lol I'm my own problem :')

3am Thoughts

i miss him...its like itss killing me

Breakup

Why the fuck i can't take my decisions
My parents are soooo toxic dude I wanna ram away from my homeee

Happy Diwali 🎇🪔 to My Now&Me family....
Wish you happy and prosperous 🎉 diwali.

LONELINESS AT THE TOP 

Sometimes I feel like screaming out all my pain ,
Standing at the beach so that the waves come to me to hug me by my feet ;
But when I know even they leave me like people did without reasons, 
I realise it’s just loneliness at the top. 

Sometimes I feel like cringing myself in the darkest room ,
Shouting out my loneliness so that a ray of hope comes to ask me my stories ;
But when I know even the day must turn to night , 
I realise it’s just loneliness at the top.

Sometimes I feel like sitting at the top of hill ,
With ears beside me to hear my heart out ;
But when I know that not every ear can hear , 
I realise it’s just loneliness at the top.

Sometimes I feel like laying on my bed hugging my pillow tightly ,
To reduce the load of tears from the sorrow of sea ;
But when I know it was the endless sea meeting the sky  , 
I realise it’s just loneliness at the top.

Sometimes I feel atleast my shadow backs me up ,
But when I turn around it’s just the darkness that surrounds , 
So I tune out all these feelings consoling my heart it’s one man path ;
Maybe the waves wipe out all my footprints  throughout the walk , 
Because it’s just loneliness at the top.

Lonely

I...don't know what to do.
I managed to graduate from "a" college, i have an official title and all that. But i'm loss and feel lonely.

My sibling is younger than me so she can't help me, and even though my parents seems to try and help me, i feel like being chained to their views of a proper way to do things.

Do a job, get money, and that's it. And i don't know if i'm wishing for too much or if i should accept reality.
But every time i see them, i see a person that's doing a chore, a person that wished the job ended.

They are hard workers, heck, they are the ones that control the business that they are doing. But i feel so hopeless every time i see them, that i should probably just try to find a job and do that "get money". At least that would probably make my feelings of being useless go away.

I do have experience doing my job before, doing what i studied to do. Sadly not exactly for what i intended

I'm at loss of what to do with my life, i feel stressed doing my job. I'm a graphic designer. But my job entails purely on selling things to people, publicity, social networking, managing twitter, Facebook. That's a goddamn constant job of every day posting something new, or creating something creative for even things that i don't really care or like. And while a do prefer web design, i find it hard to find people willing to pay for it and if they pay i have to sell me REALLY short, like to a point that i would probably make more begging for money in the streets and sometimes thanks to my parents, free. Like i were a tool.

I'm turning 26 years old this year, i feel that i should have already been trying to get a house or something, or making money like idiot, or at the very least feel like a pro at the job i do. But i feel like a complete newbie, that while the experience i have helps, i'm still average.

***Trigger Warning*** 
I always wanted to create a video game, like the ones that i used to play that helped get over my suicide tendencies in high school (that's another can of worms that i already got over, but it's unpleasant to remember), I don't know where i got the phrase "Never give up", but that got ingrained in me.

But i have 0 idea how to begin, and even if it would work, how can i get the people attention?, my ideas will ever be interested to others?. Where i can find people willing to work with me? I don't have money to pay them, and i don't think i got 10 years to make this alone. Neither my parents will have the patience for that.

*Sigh* Thanks for reading this, even if you can't help me. Or if i should just piss off or something and just work since i have that opportunity unlike others.

Other

How do I deal with academic pressure while dealing with toxic parents. It just feels like all is coming up to me at once. 

Depression

Kal raat main bahut dino baad royi, ek aise insaan ko yaad karke jise shayd ab main yaad bhi nahi hoon. Par ek time tha jab mera din uska chehra dekh ke shuru hota, aur uska chehra dekh ke khatam. Aaj haal kuch aisa hai ki ab mera pyaar par se kinda bharosa uth chuka hai. Pehle wali suhana aur iss wali suhana mein zameen asmaan ka farak saaf dikhai deta hai. Mujhe aisa lagta hai maano dheere dheere main iss society ke rules ke beech pisti jaa rahi hu aur woh toh 3 idiots ke rancho ki tarah maano gayab ho gya hai. Maine socha tha ki kisi se uske baare me nhi puchungi but puch hi lia, and guess what unhe bhi kuch nahi pata, ek pal ke liye laga tha ki shayad unhe pata hai bas batana nhi chahte mujhe, phir laga isme chupane ka kya hai, main kaun sa usko ghar ya college pahunch jaati. Jab pehle nahi gayi toh ab kyu jaati, mai hamesha se yeh chahti thi ki woh bas khush rahe, chahe woh mere saath ho ya phir mere bina.......
Pata hai ek pal ke liye lalchi ho gyi thi, lagne laga tha maano shayad hum saath ho sakte hai par sabne even bhagwan ne bhi mujhe apni okad dikha di. Mummy ko pehle lagta tha sorry aaj bhi lagta hai ki main love marriage karne ki zid karne lagi toh lya hoga!?
Mummy ko kya pata ab mai khud hi kabhi love marriage ki zid nhi karungi!!!!!!!!!

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts