Heyy  what are u doing sab thik thak ? sab ache honge   😂   me bore ho rahi thi ob sochi future ke barme or me sad hogayi aap ko kese lagta hai future ke barme soch ke

 All the best for your future   jo bhi karna achha karna 

Lonely to sab andar se tum akele nahi ho  bas wo samjha ke age badhna muskil nahi kuch share karna hai to tum idhar kar paoge

quite sorted with the future but still not really happy personally speaking 

Future well socha hi nhi kuch esa itni door drishti bhagwan nai di hi nhi ki kal ka kuch dekh sake ajj mai hi rhte hai hum toh

Caregiver

Agar koi naraz ho to baat kr liya kro rishte usi se bante h 

3am Thoughts

Today I restarted my Instagram and posted content again,and now I am getting bad thoughts ki Wahi log wapis mera baare mein ultha bolenge kharab bolenge baate krenge ajeeb lg rha hai Mujhe Bahut I am getting anxiety and I am going through very rough phase of my life .I am in depression everything seems to be unnatural unacceptable and others stuff .Mujhe hai ki mein wapis post kiya wo past ke log fir dekhenge Mujhe Bahut bura lg rha hai ajeeb bhi .Mein yaha likhti hu jis se wo chij bs bhul jao ya likha do .

Kuch logon ki baaton ko suljhaana kisi ke bas me nhi sivaay us insan ke . bas uske consequence ko dekha ja sakta hai . 

Conflict

din morning me 6 baje start hota ha, 6am baje utho, 7am baje shop open karo, 1 PM close karke lunch karne room par jao, khana bano, so jao, 4 baje shop open karo, raat 10 baje close ke room par jao, khana bano so jao, same routine every day, na koi holiday, sometimes I feel that I’m working like a robot,
Na friends ha pass me, na family,
Shop par bhi akela hu, vese papa ha pass me, unse kaam ke alwa kisi or topic par syad aaj tak koi baat hi nhi huwi, … Friends sab india me goverment jobs ki prepration kar rhe, to unhe bhi jyada diatrub nhi kar skta, khabhi sochta hu kya mera bhi prepration cchhodne ka decision shi tha ya galt, jab khabhi friends se baat hoti ha to bolte ha, shi ha tu shi time par nikal gya oman, warna india me prepration ke chakar me pada rahta, …, khabhi sochta hu itna padhne likhne, ke baad shop me kaam karne ka decision khi pressure me liya gya galat kadam to nhi tha, … ,
Money bhi life survival ke liye bhoot important ha, pata ha, …
Par uske liye, family, friends, khud ke liye time, sab kuch hi cchod diya to baaki kya baccha, … ,
Man itna niras hone par khud ko khafi baar smjhta hu, kitne logo ke pass kuch bhi karne ko nhi, tere pass khud ka kuch karne ka to ha, kitne logo ke pass 2 time ka khana bhi nhi ha , par tere pass to ha… ,

Kitna khud ko samjhauu pata nhi, par fir kuch din baad ye hi feel hone lagta ha, mene life jina cchod diya ha, bus kisi program kiye huwe robot ki trha chala ja rha ha, …

Kab tak chalta jayega pata nhi, …

Anxiety

see maybe u'll think i'm a weird or mad but see....
my bday is coming in few days honestly i've always hated my bday. coz i always wished ki bhai kisi ne mera bday karna chahiye aise ballons and all se decoration karke cake vgrae leke aise surprise party. kyuki see i love celebrating others bday. maine dil phek ke mom dad ka didi ke bday kiye apni besti ka bday kiya online frnds ko bhi unke bday pe gifts send kiye. say just a cancerian trait. but return mein kabhi kuch nhi mila. not that i expected. but hotay na kabhi kabhi maan kartay na ki apne liye bhi koi kuch kare. every year i use to expect ki bhai iss saal koi nhi atleast family toh kuch surprise degi chalo gifts he sahi party nhi. but always ended up hurting my self i remeber last year i was honestly so broke that sala commuting ka bhi paisa nhi tha [why coz uske previous month mein dad ke bday pe miane sab savings udd di thi ]  mom knew this miane usko bola ki mom cake leke aaye imagine the feeling ki bhai apne he bday pe apne mom se request karna kibhai mere liye ek cake he laa de. usne last momnet pe bass isliye cake laya kyuki didi aur jiju aane wale the toh unko dikhane ke liye ki bhai haan humne kiya. fk nhi laate toh aur accha lagta yrr.  [1/2]  

It was one of the working days in Diwali in 2019.I entered the office as usual and fell nervous to see all the team mates including the manager wearing eastern outfits.
"Why nobody told me? Even the guy who was absent yesterday came in Eastern attire",I talked to myself.
My mood was off and I was not looking anywhere or at anyone but my laptop.
I heard manager taking my name , "Vinayak" I turned back thinking he wants to talk about some task."Build baad me nikal,pehle idhar help kar",he humilated me for my off mood instead of asking what went wrong and simply asked me to help out in Diwali lighting.

They were taking group photo,one of the team mates asked me to capture the picture I said my hands shiver and my manager cracked the joke "Comedy he" without knowing about my anxiety issue.

The team had planned to go for office outing and fun activity.Those who were not going for outing were supposed to attend office.I decided to attend office due to my anxiety issues.
The evening before going to outing the manager asked "Finally kon kon nahi aa raha he?" and one fellow pointed finger towards me.
"Dharti ka he hi nahi wo,dusre hi planet ka he.Usko chod ke aur kon nahi aa raha he bata.Jo kal office nahi aa raha he usko us din ka code mail karna padega,kaam productive hona chahiye na", the manager again showed his harsh side with sarcasm.

I was (and I am still) among those who take ownership of work,who cares to see what may go wrong in future and make optimisation in code.
If I am (or anyone else for that instance) not interested to participate in things other than work those choices are expected to respected and not humilated.

But wait,he is my manager! Elder than me,much experienced than me and we all Indians are brought up with the culture of not back answering even if elders say whatevar they want.
Morever,he may terminate my employment for his own bad behaviour.

I ended up leaving that job without handover and without notice.I left rest of the team helpless during heated situation of release and hence my manager closed my contract instantly!

It was over! I asked myself,"What was I scared of? Why dint I respond with a NO when he told me to participate in diwali lighting? Why dint I back answer him in front of everyone when he was humilating me in front of everyone?"

Most of managers are rude..agreed...they have their own headweight...agreed..we can not back answer them when this rudeness comes with blend of office task but we should definately confront if it hits on our personal choices.
We may listen to the shouts for mistakes in work but not on choices made for out of office activities.

We all come together to get the projects done.We follow the hierarchy which is fine but if it hits your nerve you should speak out without the need to explain why at first place you made that choice.

Soooooo got into a typical situation today😂 my ex texted hii to me with her pic in which she had applied sindoor and was wearing a saree. I was speechless as she was looking damn hot in that pic, we had a long healthy conversation though she isn't married yet nor she is in another relationship, bda weird sa funny sa feel hua yr, she broke up because she realised after couple of years that she got bored and now in no way i am going back to her, I don't have feelings for her but oh god she looks so perfect in traditional, baat krna start kru dobara?

Girlfriend

Kya faltu log bhare pade hain yaar duniya me..dating krne jao toh itni weird ladkiya.. Simple, smart, intelligent aur sweet ladkiya kaha hai bhai?
Why is it that I feel I deserve better? Maine khud pe bohat mehnat kiya hai and have brought myself to a certain level 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts