Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Hey Now&Me community.
I’ve been friends with this guy since August 2017 and we’ve just been the best of friends ever since. We’ve been so close and just gotten so comfortable around each other to the extent that we could literally cuddle and nothing would ever happen. People have thought we were dating before but that has never been true. We never dated. When asked, he would tell people he doesn’t like me, I’m not his type or just that we would never date because we wouldn’t go together well. Problem now came in about 2 weeks ago. He came onto me, we made out. I felt like a piece of trash after that encounter. I couldn’t bring myself to even look at him 2 days after that then he came to talk to me and we both agreed that it was a bad idea and never going to happen again. You guessed it. It happened again. This time I expressed that it was going to destroy me and he agreed and said it would destroy him too. Fast forward to like 2 days ago. We made out again and I feel like talking about it with him is just a waste of time now. I feel like a complete wreck. Like why can’t I just stop it when it starts. I feel so dirty and disgusting. I feel like he looks at me like I’m cheap now or something. I feel like crying about it but I can’t exactly talk to anyone else but him about it. I feel like another notch on his belt. I have tried to live my life free of all these sexual things and just when school is about to end, this happens. I have no idea how I’m going to come back from this. I feel like he’s just using me to get rid of his sexual frustrations.