Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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Hey it’s been a minute, I don’t even need to ask how you’re doing I already know you’re doing great I want to say congrats but I hate it. I want you to cry, I want you to hurt, I want you to feel guilty, I want you to be alone, is it bad of me to say that? I hate you but I still love you and I hate myself even more for not being able to say it, if I saw you now ill probably tear up and apologize instead. Sometimes I think you feel the same, I think you truly cared and loved me, sometimes I just think you hated me. You made me feel so small, wich is unlike me. You got the worst of me, what I’ve turned out to be its all your fault now my heart is filled with resentment, envy and hatred. How are you going to make up for the damage you’ve done? Is it my fault for never standing up for myself, for letting you treat me howaver you wanted, for falling for you and never telling you? I never ever would have thought we’d end up this way. Now you’re out there smiling with your friends, shoving your relationship with your boyfriend all over everyone’s faces. Wow, It’s so crazy how the tables can turn against you overnight. Don’t you at least feel a little bit bad? How can you look at me like that? I pretend I’m fine cuz I still got pride but it’s so easy to see through me, everyone knows how lonely I am, how can you look at like I’m just anyone else? I always thought I was a step ahead but reality hit me in the head, turns out I’m not much and everyone wants you, not me. No matter what I do they’ll always be by your side, the audacity people have and all bc of convenience. I’m so fucking stupid, how could I ever feel anything for you? And how could I allow you to treat me like shit just bc of it? And I know this is my fault as well bc I did distance myself from you without saying anything, maybe after all its all my fault my fears and insecurities made me lose everyone, ever since I can’t stand myself being near anyone. But still, you didn’t seem to be bothered, you never asked me what was going on, you did well without me. When that was you, all those many times that was you, I always came looking after you, why didn’t you do the same? I was waiting for you to come to me. I guess I’m the only fool who goes around begging people that want to leave to stay, I should’ve seen it sooner. It had been a long time since you stopped caring. Now what do I do? Who do I tell?

1 reply

Bro life has way of taking what we need the most but I hope you find the energy and strength to move forward i really feel your pain


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