I just wanted to write this bcuz I had this bottled up for a while and I kinda have no one to talk to (disclaimer it’s really long). I am 14 and my parents are in the mid 40’s - late 50’s range. This year my aunt died and it was hard for my dad as well as his relatives, now he has to deal with the pressure of being fired due to the economy going down.My mom is unemployed due to company stuff. Both of my parents are worried that I won’t be able to go to school anymore and that we’ll have nothing once we go back to our country. I understand their concerns but I don’t know what to do… My mom and dad always told me stuff like: ‘your dad uses money on useless things’ or ‘he is obsessed with technology that he doesn’t think about our future’ or ‘your mom is always talking about saving money or what we use our money on, she doesn’t even pay for the car that she wanted I have to pay for everything’ or ‘if I die you will have this amount of money and you could go to your aunts and uncles so they could help you settle’ or in the past they would tell me ‘I will die because of you’. Not exactly the type of thing you would want to hear growing up. I don’t hate them or despise them. I just feel hurt because instead of explaining the situation to me they just keep it bottled in until they burst. These few months I tried talking to them but they wouldn’t tell me anything until one day my mom just burst in my room crying, angry and scared telling me everything in that moment. I thought maybe its my fault for not being able to control my emotions, I acted unruly because they wouldn’t tell me anything clearly and got mad at me for not understanding. I know I acted childish. But it really hurt. Sometimes I don’t understand why they are mad at me. I always had to be understanding and strong. Whenever I cried they told me to stop crying or else they’d hit me. So I kinda bottled everything up to the point of suicidal thoughts but it never pushed through - thankfully. I don’t know what to do to help them reach their dream of retiring. My dad nearing 60 still has to work until I finish college or at least finish High school and it hurts to have to see him suffer mentally and emotionally because of conflicts in both work and family then have the burden of me still being a freshman. My mom has problems with her health and is mentally strained due to family problems as well as her illness. I don’t know how to help them; I am not smart enough to get a scholarship or sporty enough to receive a scholarship of that kind to ease their burden. I know that I am not permanently staying in the place I am in now and that someday we will go back but it seems like my parents think it’s too soon if I go back now. They say I will miss a year or two of school. I don’t know what to do to help…
Hey , there. Don’t worry , everything will be fine.
I am sure you are doing best to help them , support them . In this age of 14, you are mature enough to think about all this . The best way to help them is to be strong infront of them and just take care of your parents . Focus on your studies , atleast they will have a satisfaction , that the money they invested on you is worth it . I am sure if you study well, you can get a scholarship .you just have to make yourself like that . I know it’s not easy to study in this atmosphere , but i believe that you are really strong and you will be able to do it. Don’t worry . You are really a great child.
Just take care of your parents so that they become healthy and feel better . Everything will be fine and i am pretty sure it will be.
Think positive and Be positive .
Thank you ❤️
Hi. You’re 14 years old - it’s not up to you to help your parents with their marriage; its up to them.
I can say that my parents weren’t doing so well as a couple until my sister and I moved out so they could focus on each other and it helped.
It’s great that you’re already thinking of your higher education. Think about what you want to major in and go for it.
For you, as a person I would recommend speaking with your school counsellor to try and confide in how you are feeling about yourself and how your family dynamics are affecting you.
It sounds like you may be living in the US? If this is the case, I recommend going to community college for your first two years because most universities / colleges that are four years long will make you take courses that have nothing to do with your major; just classes to be a student there. If your major is something where you can go to a specialised school like a vocational school, I recommend you do that - it could end up being cheaper and it will be more condensed and focused on the career you want go get into.
In fact, if you already know what you want to study in college/university already, speak to your counsellor about that and see if there’s anything you can do now to help you reach your goal. Maybe then scholarships or grants would open up to you then?
Take some extra-curricular stuff like clubs, sign up to do volunteer work, or even an apprenticeship in the career you want to end up doing.
I went to a high school in the East coast that wasn’t funded very well; it was very easy to graduate there with honours. A girl in my graduating class lived in a very poor area but she was determined to live a better life and she worked hard in school and ended up with a $80,000 scholarship. I have two friends that were also living in a bad part of the city who got themselves into college and now work for the US government so yes, it is definitely possible.
In terms of how your parents are treating you - I get it. My mom used to show me their bank account and how much money they were spending to show that we couldn’t always ask for much from them (i.e. gifts, technology or named brand items that other kids in my school could get) and it’s not pleasant at all but it helped me understand at an early age that I needed to work for money.
When you’re 15, you may be able to get a part time job after school so that’s always a plus too. You could either use that money to help your parents pay for bills or you can save up for a car, education, etc.
That is my advice for you.
Thank you for your advice, this has really helped me clear some of the thoughts I had. 😊