Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Hey, I just found this site and figured I might as well add something since it seems pretty welcoming here. I don’t talk about my personal troubles much, mainly because I don’t have really have someone I’m comfortable just dropping it all on. I’m 18 years old and heading to university in two weeks (COVID-19 allowing) and I have been feeling really homesick. I live in North Carolina currently but I consider Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to be my home. I lived there for about 4 years with my mother and brother who was at university downtown. My sister lived in Texas (we lived there before moving to pittsburgh) and my dad (divorced from my mom) lived in North Carolina. Long story short, my mother had brain cancer and ended up losing her battle with it. This was early 2017 and I was a freshman in highschool at the time. I don’t like to get lost in my own sad thoughts for very long as it just ruins the rest of the day, so I threw myself into school at first, and then to my friends who were incredibly helpful and supportive. Because my parents were divorced, I had to leave Pittsburgh and move In with my dad in NC, where I am now. I haven’t been back to Pittsburgh since and I miss it dearly. I tried to use university as a means of going back, but it didn’t work out, as I applied to two schools, didnt get into one, and the other was far too expensive. I miss my friends. Thank god for modern technology and things like FaceTime, but it leaves something to be desired. I feel like I should be grateful for what I have and I feel bad wanting what I used to have. I just feel like something is missing from my life. Is this valid? Like in wanting my life in Pittsburgh it feels selfish to try to leave my life here. My dad isn’t perfect but he and my stepmom have done so much for me and it feels wrong to walk away from that too. I feel torn. I don’t know what to do. It’s just really hard. I miss my mom. I miss my friends. I miss what used to be. I know that’s how life goes, and change is inevitable, but I just don’t know if this is too much. I’m sorry this post is so long, I tend to ramble. If you’re still reading this far, thank you. I really appreciate you.