Hey i am feeling really sad today β¦i just got my college alloted today and its okayish according to my ability β¦but i just feel so sad i hate socializing and i donβt feel like going to college and meeting people as i know they are gonna think Iβm a weirdo due to my lack of social abilities β¦life
sucks for me. β¦ Iβm 18 years old and no human including my parents believe me due to my low self esteem . I have really few friends and i know Iβm gonna lose them in college Iβm really afraid if Iβll ever be happy β¦i think Iβm on the autism spectrum but i canβt really afford to get myself checked and I donβt think thereβs any use nothing is gonna change for people around me or even my parents β¦i have a habbit of maladaptive day dreaming and i have been trying to give it even though itβs the only thing that makes me happy but itβs just not reality β¦ I havenβt done it in like 3-4 days and i have been crying so hard after that and i often think if anything goes wrong i can always hang myself β¦i have a poor health(overweight) and it only adds to my poor self confidence β¦ I have sexual orientation issues i think Iβm gay β¦i think it has also been a reason for my lack of socializing because of the things expected of me and i just canβt connect to the people β¦
The only solution i can think of is going abroad (i live in india) after doing my batchelors as i feel i would be independent bcoz i have to survive and thereβs more quality of life there ig β¦and i can prepare myself for it in next 2-3 yrs (atleast Iβll have a goal) β¦Do you think itβs a good idea ?? Please help πβ¦
P.s -do consider my sexual orientation as i come from a conservative indian family and i also canβt keep up with my relatives β¦