Hey everyone…
I am in a sad mood lately. Already I am having issues in my relation because I overthink and everything. I also have issues with my parents. I am scared to talk with my parents for a longer time because I think again I’ll fight with them unnecessarily.
Me and my boyfriend are over possessive about each other. I am perfectly chill about it because I love him being over possessive but when he talks that he will be caring less about everything and be more open about relations and all. That hurts me. Now a days we are having many fights. I have hurt my self physically because of that. Recently, since few days my relation was going smooth but again we are having issues. My close friend, who is like a brother had come home because my mom invited and I had to meet him and other friends today. My boyfriend called me up and told that next time I’ll also go and act like this so u won’t say anything remember that. I am hurt a lot!
Sometimes I think it’s always me who cares, who thinks, who over loves.
I don’t deny that he doesn’t love, he loves and cares a lot but sometimes it’s just me who is keeping the relationship alive. He always tells me what to you want? Should I do this that this that! I just expect time and cute stuff from him but he’s not able to do anything. I love him so much but now I am losing myself.
Suggest me something please!
Shashidhar @shashidhar117
So girl after reading the incident above.
It’s clear that you losing yourself in quest of love and cute stuff from your bf.
Please take time for yourself, and start treating yourself as a princess because you are not less. Build a good relationship with parents, I don’t understand what you scared of.
Whatever it is, it’s family first then relationship. Once your bf can’t control you, he may break up with you then you will be alone soul with overthinking and insomnia.
Tell your bf about how you feel, if he can’t understand you, and don’t expect him to change after marriage.
Being possessive is good but over possessive is kinda toxic. please understand and act fast.
bhavya @bhavya2urhelp
Hello friend.
I did get some idea of your situation. But I was not able to understand why you mentioned your parents and the relationship with them, and how is that relevant to your current situation and thoughts? (if you could explain more?)
Now about your relationship, which is probably the reason you are suffering as of now which I understand with the given information. ( you may add more when you see my reply so we can go in more depth ).
So what can we do now? As I see you both love each other, right, so we can easily make some improvements here. :)
As you have written such a message with emotions flowing in it, I know you will give your full efforts as well as your bf too.
So first of all, to be honest, I think you and your boyfriend both like each other being possessive as you mentioned yourself. Now, this fondness of being possessive has become a symbol of love for both of you. So, now to show more love, more affection, you become more possessive and this is going both ways.
As being possessive is being encouraged it has now hit a threshold because anyways it had to. One can’t enter another person’s brain, because this thing can only stop there.
Now, what do we do? Change your understating of being possessive, in fact just bring this tweak to your understanding of love.
FROM HERE READ VERY ATTENTIVELY
When you require another person for your survival you are a parasite on that individual. There is no choice, no freedom, IT IS A MATTER OF NECESSITY RATHER THAN LOVE. Love is freedom, love is when two individuals who are fully functional and capable of living alone come together.
I love you so much so I have to think about you the whole day, will look cute sometime, but in the long run, which is probably happening, either one of you or both of you will get choked out, trapped, confined, locked in a room where there is no place to move.
By doing so in the name of love you are just building passive dependency on each other, diminishing each other’s mental, physical, emotional freedom.
This behavior rather than giving seeks to receive.
In the long run, it destroys rather than building.
Please build your systems and things how you guys want to move ahead!
Hope this helps! Take care.
Hey…
I mentioned about my relation with my parents. I had issues with them when I was a teen and since then I don’t feel as if I can open up with them. It’s not that they don’t give me freedom or give me a lot of household work or so but I only don’t feel comfortable or it’s that I don’t like being at home. After my schooling I went to other city for college studies but again I had to come back as I had health issues. I have got seizures a couple of times so that also makes me scary.
About my relation with my boyfriend-
I don’t know what turn it is gonna take. We love each other so much that even if we fight a lot, breakup is not an option or breakup doesn’t exist for us.
I am trying for internships to keep myself busy but that’s also not happening.
I have a problem of over thinking also.
I have had a lot of breakup’s and heart breaks and all so I don’t wanna deal with one more I guess.
When I had come back to my home town I was in depression because of my grades and my parents and my relations and all. It’s like I am sad all the time!!!
I just want a happy relationship!!! That’s what I want! I don’t expect money, expensive gifts nothing!
The problem about our relation is we both have anger issues so i also can’t control and he also can’t but when he’s angry he says the things that hurt but I can’t.
Whereas I don’t talk to my parents to avoid such a situation, but when I have fights with my parents I say anything.
I feel I am not a good daughter.
I am not a good girlfriend
I don’t know why I don’t have many friends
I do say that I have a best friend but I don’t know.
I feel I have no one.
I am all alone
I want to start a new life, a new place with new people.
bhavya @bhavya2urhelp
Hii. Sorry for replying late and sorry again if you by any chance waited for my reply.
I read your message very carefully and I feel how alone you feel, being with everyone around you, everyone you want and need but still it doesn’t feel right, still not the ideal way things should be, still not that belongingness where you leave every worry behind, where you take a deep calm breath and sleep with no concern. As if you have everything but it is mismatched, upside down, and not the way you want it.
I see that you seek a happy relationship with your boyfriend, every one of us wants that. You are not alone. Every one of us seeks meaningful and fulfilling relationships. BUT THERE’S SOMETHING MORE THAN THAT.
You don’t want to do a breakup, you don’t want to end a relationship that brings some extent of belongingness to you. Because of your prior relationship failures, which turns out to be one of the reasons as you said.
I think there’s something more you should open about, that might help to consider the problem better. What were the issues you had with your parents? What was the reason you didn’t want to go back home? What is the reason you still don’t like to be at that place? What was your childhood or teen issue which you faced which lead to these reactions from you?
Please have hopes, we will fix it. Maybe you are everything you think you are not. Maybe it is the things outside your control right now which you are not yet able to recognize or control. Maybe it is the environment around you that is toxic. Maybe you just need a different perspective because a new life starts in your head not outside. Maybe you are the sweetest mango in this world but still, there will be people who don’t like mango. Maybe you are the brightest star but you can’t see your light in darkness.
We can see further what we can do.
Please try to answer the question I asked you honestly and if there’s anything to add more, small details can help.
I usually take 24 hrs to reply. :) Till then I would recommend you to start building a gratitude log. It helps. :)
Write things each day before sleeping what you are grateful for.
Your house, clothes, food, could be anything, anyone you helped. Just right your good qualities, anything you are grateful for.
Keep trying to get your internship. We need some work to keep our mind off certain things, do your hobbies, but don’t be too much free. :)
I"ll get back to you. Take care.
