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Anonymous

Hey! Bi (-curious? -questioning? -sexual?) girl here. I recently came out to two of my best friends and the reaction was extremely positive; but since then, my old anxiety abt whether or not I’m actually bi has returned.

There are a few issues that contribute to that- 1. I’ve never been w a girl. Ik u don’t need to, in order to be bi, but my anxiety does seem to build off the fact that I don’t have any ‘evidence’ to my sexuality. 2. I love women. I think women are extremely attractive. I also think women make great romantic partners. The only trouble is- although I can visualise all that, I can’t visualise that with myself, and have to end up picturing myself as a guy. I don’t think I’m trans (I like being a ‘girl’- whatever that means) and it’s not that I’m picturing myself with the guy and want to be like the girl instead of being attracted to her, either. I suppose it’s more of wanting to be in the guy’s place, but being unable to picture myself doing so, probably due to internalised homophobia. 3. The LGBT+ community is an extremely warm and welcoming one, for the most part, and I just genuinely love interacting with its members. So, on some level, I have an anxiety that I’m ‘faking’ this to feel ‘special’ or whatever (obviously that’s dumb and and not enough of a reason to take a step as big as coming out, but that’s what my mind insists on convincing me of). 4. I haven’t received an official diagnosis- as I live in the kind of household that wouldn’t be receptive to that (let alone my bisexuality, lol)- but I suspect I have OCD, pure-O specifically (not just related to my sexual orientation, but even generally), so I think that contributes to the anxiety as well. I’m planning to move out in a few months (I’m 17), so hopefully things will get clearer then.

I’m not really looking for advice (although any and all is always appreciated, long as it’s well-intentioned!) as ultimately, no one can answer this but myself; plus, I think I’ve already made sense of this as much as I possibly can, given my current situation.

I’m only sharing this because I’d love to hear if someone has experienced something even remotely similar, and I’d also love to offer my experience to those who may be struggling.

If you’ve made it to the end, congratulations- you’ve been given a gold star by your local bisexual. This does absolutely nothing.

Tl;dr- bi (?) girl’s incomprehensible ramblings about her sexuality.

58 Comments
Post anonymously?
Anonymous

This is exactly my story
The only difference is that no one know about me
Not even my frnds
And the thing is
Um a girl introduced this feeling this concept of lgbtq+ to me
I mean i didnt knew about this bedore my college.
I always knew i am not that feminine like my other friends but i never knew about my feelinga towards girls
Now i do!

Anonymous

Thank you for sharing! This made me feel better- knowing there’s someone who’s been through this. I guess we’re all just trying to stay afloat, at the end of the day. I wish you the best on your journey figuring this out! :)

Anonymous

I hope you get all the happiness in your life 💛

n

In my early teens, I thought I was straight, dated a few boys only to realise I never felt the same way that my peers claimed to have felt… 🙄
I was attracted to women but I would brush the feelings under the carpet thinking it must be because we study in an all-girls school…😂
In my late teens, I dated a few women, and thought I was expected to be the ‘man’ in the relationship and it is always meant to work that way… and I did not quite enjoy playing a role… 🤧
Few years down the line… my partner and I realised we don’t really have to pretend to be the man or the woman… we both have our days… and it works just fine… 👯‍♂️
Don’t worry about the labels, you will discover your true self in time🚶‍♀️

Anonymous

Yeah, I think that’s the best way to go about this- define your labels( if you want to, don’t if you don’t), don’t let the labels define you. Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s good to know other people have been through similar things. :)

c

Hey champ relax have some water first we can discuss all the things you are facing and going through and we talk here or you can talk privately also and do not worry or panic and there nothing wrong or anything like this

Anonymous

Hey! Thanks for the message. Ik there isn’t anything wrong, but it’s just hard. Not to be a cliche, but I can’t wait to move out, lol.

c

Do you want to talk abt this privately and ik this is really hard there are many thought in your mind right now ik

Anonymous

Nah, that’s cool. Thanks for asking tho! :)

Anonymous

Don’t really have anything else to say. Just wanted to know if someone else had experienced something like this.

c

Yes it’s completely normal to feel like that and it’s okay to have thoughts like this

Anonymous

:)

c

That’s the smile I was talking abt keep that smile on your face it’s suits you okay and hope you have a great day and here’s a some hug for you 🤗

Anonymous

Thank you, you too!

c

Bye and if you face any problem again just tell and we will discuss

Anonymous

Wanna talk outside?

Anonymous

I’d love to, but I’m not on any social media platform.

Anonymous

Oops its fine

Anonymous

Just creat a fake account on inatagram! I only use instagram!
Or else you can shoot everything here if you are comfy with too

Anonymous

I just wanted to share, really. Don’t really have anything else to say. Just wanted to know if someone else had experienced something like this. Thanks for asking tho!

Anonymous

Not bad! If everything is fine! Its good Have!
Have a great life ahead

Anonymous

Same to you! :)

sanjain

Amazing! I had never heard people also goes through such phases in life, Thanks for sharing, it will help me to to show more empathy when needed.

Kudos to you and hope you find out your answers too.

Anonymous

Thank you! Empathy for what we can’t relate to is the best kind, and the most needed, in my opinion. :)

sanjain

Indeed it is, keep sharing your journey with the world.

sanjain

Would you mind having a conversation, a quick one over email/ text or whatever you are super comfortable with. I am really amazed that people do have this phase in life.

Or if you are not open to connect, would you mind sharing some platform where I can read more stories about such experiences, these things are common but very few know about it

Anonymous

Hey! I’m really glad you’re trying to learn more about this- few people care about what doesn’t concern them directly. :)
And I’m sorry, but I don’t really feel comfortable sharing any contact information; that being said, you can shoot me a message on here and I’ll respond! As for other platforms- honestly, there are endless. If you want more general narratives, then I’d suggest watching and reading lgbt+ movies/ series and books (Netflix and Goodreads, respectively, have specific categories for lgbt+ options). For more personal experiences- YOUTUBE!!! There are so many brave folk on there talking abt their journeys w both sexual orientation and gender identity (start with YouTubers Jamie and Shaaba). Just keep one thing in mind- as ironic as it sounds, a lot of people even within the light+ community can be quite bigoted and intra-community bashing is real (I’ve always thought of it as a ‘divide and rule’ strategy by the rest of the society) . There are people who love pitting certain identities against each other- so if you’re listening to someone talk abt how members of x group have had a detrimental impact on members of y group, please remember that a) that’s probably not true and b) PLS do your own research.
I hope that helps. :)

sanjain

Indeed, thanks for sharing.
And its perfectly fine if you are not comfortable sharing your email. We can not message on this platfrom ( they dont have any feature)
But I am glad, you shared your experience with uttermost honesty.

Resources you shared will be enough to get a deep insight about the community at large. People are baised in every community.

Let me start with youtube first.

Thank you so much. I am glad

Anonymous

:)

h

i think you are greatly influenced by the Netflix shows. i have a suggestion for u. stop looking at any kind of visual stimuli(photos, videos, stories of lovemaking between any two people) and then try finding out which person in your friends group are u really attracted to and by that I mean physical attraction because that is the only rule of nature. then you’ll find out what your actual sexual orientation is. JUST STAY AWAY FROM ANY VISUAL STIMULI. you will reset back to your natural state and all answers will come floating 2 u.

Anonymous

I’m attracted to people of all genders, as I stated in my post; that includes people I’ve met irl. Also- the primary aim of this was to have a conversation about internalised bigotry- and whether that was your intention or not, stating that someone questioning what they like is ‘influenced by Netflix shows’ is a very negative stereotype to perpetuate. I understand if this wasn’t your intention- we all make inadvertent mistakes- but it isn’t a healthy way to talk about this at all, imo. Thanks and have a great day.

h

i was just saying that people these days even get depressed by watching things online and same goes about questioning their sexuality too. and you also said that uve never been with a girl, so I just thought that a healthy introspection would help .no worries. just be happy, that’s all I want for u.

h

a little misinterpretation from my side too, accepted. :(

Anonymous

Hey! I haven’t been w a girl because the environment I’m currently living in doesn’t allow that. As for your comment, I thought it was along the lines of ‘being bi/gay/etc. is a choice’- which is a very negative rhetoric and hence, I reacted a bit harshly. My bad- I misinterpreted what you were trying to say. Thanks for the well-wishes, and I hope the same for you!

Anonymous

It’s all good, don’t worry! :)

Anonymous

I had many broken friendships because of my OCD,mostly based on s compulsion. I might be having internalised homophobia and there was a phase in my life when I isolated myself just because I was so confused. I told one of my friends about me feeling uncomfortable with girls around and from the next day onwards I became a scapegoat for people with homophobia to tease and bully. Im a girl too. Still fighting but I get really confused about my identity often and it just puts me in a really depressed state.

Just wanted to share because I felt really connected to your story. All the best. Hope you get all the clarity you need in life and all the luck you deserve.

Anonymous

Hey. Thank you for sharing. It’s bad enough to have to struggle with this sort of thing- I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to have been put in that kind of situation by a ‘friend’. I’m truly sorry.
Reading your message did make me smile, though, for it feels good to know that I’m not alone, and someone’s dealt with something similar. I hope I was able to do the same for you.
Thank you for your well-wishes; I hope the same for you. Wish you all the luck and happiness with this, and with life in general. :)
P.S.- If you wanna chat about this, or OCD, or anything, lmk. I’d love to.

Anonymous

Hi again! Thank you for the reply . My OCD induced by substance abuse and it makes it hard to interact with my own family members. With continuous intrusive thoughts and self doubts. This is the one thing that troubles me these days. Pressure and stress as well makes my condition worse.
That is the demon Im fighting with daily.
How are you?
At the end what we need is love and acceptance isn’t it!

Anonymous

Hey! I’m doing okayish, thanks for asking. And yes, I agree, life would be a lot easier if only there were acceptance. I’m so sorry to hear abt your daily struggle- although I’m better now (knocks on wood lmao) there was certainly a time I could’ve related to what you’re saying. Ig you’ve just gotta hold on and trust that light will show up eventually. :)
Also- I completely understand that a lot of mental health ‘advice’ doesn’t work for everyone as this sort of stuff is extremely subjective- but this worked for me, so maybe you could try it too and see if it impacts you! I cannot access therapy because of my family situation, so instead I trained my mind to sort of picture my anxiety as ocean waves almost??? And when I experience an intrusive thought, I just let the waves ‘hit’. It’s awful in the moment, but when they draw back, it’s a million times better than had I given in to the compulsion. I guess that’s kinda what they teach you in CBT- and if you’re in therapy, stick to that lol, I’m not a licensed professional obvi- but if not, then this may help u a lil idk. Anyways, thanks for responding !!! Best of luck !!

Anonymous

Yeah! Applying whatever my therapist taught is great and I follow few insta handles which helped me get through past year . What you suggested is a good idea. I sometimes hold on and think “this too shall pass”. Sometimes it helps . Its being proactive about our thoughts . More power to you 😊😌

g

Hello there fellow bi curious person. This more of an your not alone thing than a here is some advice. Let’s make one thing clear eventhough I am with a woman whom I love very much I still sometimes wonder if I’m faking it so it doesn’t matter if you have experience or not. And you are right it’s all because of the internalised homophobia that we grew up with. Maybe you should get yourself diagnosed for more clarity regarding your OCD because get the help you need. But yes living alone will help a lot with that not that I would know. Anyways I made my point in the very start you didn’t really need to read this all but if you are still hear know that you matter and your feelings matter and I wish you best of luck as you discover yourself.
xxx

Anonymous

Hey, thank you so much! I’m actually the same anon as on the post abt baby gays lol. But yeah as I said there too, it feels good to know I’m not alone. And I def will get help soon as I can. Thank u. :)

g

oh hi nice to meet you again. Can you tell I only answer questions with the lgbtq tag?😂😅

d

So it was you who replied on my post too😅.

Anonymous

@gayandproud haha now I can

Anonymous

@daisyblah yep lol

g

can I refer to you as fellow bi curious person because I you seem like a person and I’d like to know you

d

How about all three of us become friends. No forcing just i haven’t met any person of my community coz I’m super closeted person. Just if you guys want✌️🥺

Anonymous

@gayandproud sure I’d love that! cause seem like a cool person too!!

Anonymous

@daisyblah @gayandproud yo that’d be amazing! I don’t know any people in the community either so I’d love that! But how’d we go abt it? Like on what platform etc? Lemme know!

d

Ummm. Maybe insta ? If you guys are okay.

Anonymous

I’m not on insta…telegram?

g

@daisyblah and fellow bi curious person sure we could talk outside this website. I’m super closeted too so I don’t have any queer friends either. I have Instagram, Snapchat and twitter

d

My I’d is khushiiiiii_31 on Instagram

d

I don’t have telegram,email?😅

g

@daisyblah Imma follow you

d

I have seen your post almost everyday now for I don’t know what reasons but i always end up here. Just checking on you . Are u alright?

Anonymous

@daisyblah hey I’m doing okayish. I just haven’t dealt w this kind of stuff, at least to this extent, before so it’s a lil overwhelming but nothing serious. Plus, I’ll be moving out in a few months, and ik it’s gonna be a struggle still, but well- at least it will be a complete one, and I’ll be able to do what I can, instead of having to turn to others. Thanks for checking in. Hope you’re doing well too! :)