Hey! Bi (-curious? -questioning? -sexual?) girl here. I recently came out to two of my best friends and the reaction was extremely positive; but since then, my old anxiety abt whether or not I’m actually bi has returned.
There are a few issues that contribute to that- 1. I’ve never been w a girl. Ik u don’t need to, in order to be bi, but my anxiety does seem to build off the fact that I don’t have any ‘evidence’ to my sexuality. 2. I love women. I think women are extremely attractive. I also think women make great romantic partners. The only trouble is- although I can visualise all that, I can’t visualise that with myself, and have to end up picturing myself as a guy. I don’t think I’m trans (I like being a ‘girl’- whatever that means) and it’s not that I’m picturing myself with the guy and want to be like the girl instead of being attracted to her, either. I suppose it’s more of wanting to be in the guy’s place, but being unable to picture myself doing so, probably due to internalised homophobia. 3. The LGBT+ community is an extremely warm and welcoming one, for the most part, and I just genuinely love interacting with its members. So, on some level, I have an anxiety that I’m ‘faking’ this to feel ‘special’ or whatever (obviously that’s dumb and and not enough of a reason to take a step as big as coming out, but that’s what my mind insists on convincing me of). 4. I haven’t received an official diagnosis- as I live in the kind of household that wouldn’t be receptive to that (let alone my bisexuality, lol)- but I suspect I have OCD, pure-O specifically (not just related to my sexual orientation, but even generally), so I think that contributes to the anxiety as well. I’m planning to move out in a few months (I’m 17), so hopefully things will get clearer then.
I’m not really looking for advice (although any and all is always appreciated, long as it’s well-intentioned!) as ultimately, no one can answer this but myself; plus, I think I’ve already made sense of this as much as I possibly can, given my current situation.
I’m only sharing this because I’d love to hear if someone has experienced something even remotely similar, and I’d also love to offer my experience to those who may be struggling.
If you’ve made it to the end, congratulations- you’ve been given a gold star by your local bisexual. This does absolutely nothing.
Tl;dr- bi (?) girl’s incomprehensible ramblings about her sexuality.