Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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Anonymous

here is my story plz help me, i could be long but i have said everything from my heart.,
I was 18 when I first met her, I was in school 11-12th standard, I totally loved her, she also loved me we both were in love and were ready to do anything for each other, we never touched each other, we just used to look at each other and that too 3 times in a day as I was in commerce department and she was in science, we were happy by this only when we go back to home from school we used to chat on mobile for hours and hours we were totally in love. and then something happens, when our school days were about to over I texted her that I need to talk to u she said ok, on the phone only we discussed our future she said whatever you want I am ready and we decided that ok we will do our college, get a job, talk to parents and get settled with each other, we both belong to a different society and that too from different state { in Indian society it matters} we both wanna marry each other. but after a month she came back from her one of her long-distant sisters love marriage and called me said u know I was in that marriage and it was hell for the parents of her sister they were crying that what she has done, family reputation has been thrashed, no one came from family,no one was happy etc etc. and she was sad thinking same will happen with us also, then I asked her what do u want she said no matter what she is going to marry me as she love me more than anything else and suddenly broke down by thinking about future, then we hang up, for days I was stuck in her words thinking again and again what she said bcz in my family it wasn’t going to be a big deal but for her family, it was a taboo, I started to think that bcz of me she will never going to be happy, her family will fell apart i cried for day that what to do i just cannot leave her, but with a heavy heart i called talked her that look this is truth that we love each other but i cannot see u unhappy bcz main purpose for marrying u is that i want every happiness on your feet and if i marry u like this u will never be happy she was just saying hmm hmm hmm, i cut the phone bcz i was about to broke down and eventually i did, i just cant say to her that let forget each other, then she texted me said r u ready to this ? i said how would i live without u, she said we will learn and that day we blocked each other from everywhere and i broked my sim card bcz i couldn’t control my self from calling her, then i moved to college, i was doomed I couldn’t sleep at night, my head always hurts, eventually i deleted every social media a/c insta,FB etc ,

And today its been 8yrs almost , i cannot change my self, i couldn’t sleep and my head still hurts, i don’t talk much, i hardly any frnds left, still i am not on any social media , man i am doomed , i cry once every month don’t know why, its not that i didn’t try to forget her I just cant whenever a girls approach me i just can’t look at that girl or in fact any girl. in my whole life i didn’t touch any girl, in fact i didn’t touch her bcz i didn’t love her for her body it was nothing for us.

frankly saying i tried to contact her in b/w { almost 3yrs ago }she seems different person now, last time when i texted her from one of my friends a/c she said i don’t know u, i have nothing to do with me, leave me alone, you are a liar and disrespected me very badly, she said doesn’t want to see me n ol, don’t know why she said that but from that day i didn’t contacted her, i respect her decision, she doesn’t want me its ok, but plz someone give me solution how to forget her, I don’t know what to do i am tired man, i dont know what to do i am 26 i am CS i don’t know where i am going, i just work, study ,work ,study and about 20-25 girls contacted me b/w till now but i broke their heart also and i m sorry for that i feel guilty for that , but what can i do … fuuuuccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk why cant i fucking change

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