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3am ThoughtsThought


hello world,

the last time I wrote on this was a day before I put in my two weeks notice. I was hoping more people would comment on my post, but I’m happy that the one person that did ultimately gave me something to think about.

do I really lack self-confidence…?
answer: yes, yes I absolutely freaking do.

I’ve had it on my mind these last couple days and I’ve been thinking a lot. I’ve come to find out that I really do doubt myself a lot. I doubt my abilities. I’m scared to take a leap of faith for once. I give up on things before even starting them. I’ve been trying to work on it, but it’s honestly a work in progress. I’m uhm trying, if you will.

Update: I quit my job and Easter is almost over now. I had an okay Easter, I hope that whoever is reading this enjoyed it as well. I ended up going on a drive with my sister and we sat and talked about the normal. Life, family struggles/issues, boys who we probably shouldn’t be falling for, school, etc. It was good to go and sit close (but far enough from) to the dam and just breathe and take a break from “life” for a little while. The only thing I wasn’t looking forward to was coming back home and going back to the routine of “life”.

While at the dam, I had these nostalgic memories come back to me on this old friend I met when I was a junior in high school. I met up with him again last year after not seeing him for about 2-3 years. These memories eventually led to me re-reading old conversations between us and me missing him even more. I haven’t spoken to him in about 4 months and I feel like I should reach out, but at the same time I feel like I’m just reaching out because I feel lonely or lost. At the same time though, I’d really love to catch up with him and see how he’s doing and then from there I have no clue. He was truly my best friend and my sister also likes him very much lol. I just can’t seem to make up my mind.

…another thing to add to my list on things I need to work on…
- my list of things I need to work on:
1 - build up self-confidence
2- work on indecisiveness

(I wish I was kidding)

I’m not that much happier, but at least I’m less sad than I was a couple days ago. I hope that who ever is reading this is doing fairly well and in case no one said anything, I love you and I’m proud of you. I hope you had a good Easter :)

- BM

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