hello to anyone who is reading this
Im 18 yo
I had a huge circle of friends when I was in schl but later everybody parted ways with me even tho they did the wrong and I got left out.
Now..3 years later still feeling left out all the time. Im here just to make new frnds to connect with.



Im 18 as well, 19 ina few weeks. School friends arent really the only friends youll meet, there alot of new people youll meet, u dont need to feel left out at all.

Friends

I used to think I needed a lot of friends so I can feel loved. I was so wrong. The older I get, the more grateful I am for my small circle of friends.


Personal Growth

I have so many friends but none to share my worries to.


We live in a world so fake I lost the real me.

Loss

I recently watched Euphoria (a Netflix series), I could relate to Lexi a lot. Living in the shadows as a wallflower, an observer, clinging onto friendships. I was just like her in my teens, desperately trying to stick to a broken friendship. People took advantage of my this characteristic just to use me as a doormat. But I wouldn't change anything. These experiences shaped me as an adult who just entered into her 20s and probably I will be able to select better friends for myself because I deserve better. 

Adulting

Okayy so I had a friend a circle was super close to them met them in 11th before this I never had any close friend group or anything so was super happy and grateful to have found one .All things were going well for some while at least that's what I thought until one day I opened up and said that I am an attention seeking person and I need some kind of validation from  others and for that they judged me hard by saying that "ooh u want attention and large friend group ","you have changed " and what not. The following days it started getting worse I was not growing I was being super dependent on these people I had no social connections other than them cause I didn't try to cause I thought they'll be there for me forever.I was scared to lose them cause I had no other ppl other than them I was not being myself I went into this deep dark place in my life I even contemplated suicide cause I thought I was not worthy of them all them were super beautiful and pretty and I was the duff among them. Finally one day I gathered some courage and left the group ,the day I left the group everyone started bitching about me by saying that I said that ,this blah blah and conveniently left their part of them telling me the same thing agreeing to whatever I said .I was more than devastated when I heard what was happening . Now again i was alone back to square one I am healing now slowly but this incident has fucked up my anxiety I can't open my insta cause I'll see them hanging out together which cause  a breakdown for me cause I was never prepared for this but ig life's all abt these kind of situations were your not prepared for anything. Now at present the things I have learned from this is that nothing is constant in your life except you. Letting go of things may seem hard but it creates space for new things to happen. I have not healed from this cause anything that reminds me of them still cause a knot in my stomach. Those people were toxic and judgemental even I was but now since I am out of this group I feel free for the first time I have started to unlearn and  at the same time learn a lot of things. Since I was super depended on them it feels strange to not say each and every fucking thing happening in my life which is something I had to do even when I was not keen of doing the same cause I later I will be accused of not doing the same. See I am not saying I was right the all time fuck no I was also super toxic and negative on myself anything that happened in my life I had to point out the negatives always that I end up forgetting about the positive aspects about it, I was also super toxic so ig it was with the best interest of both us that this happened. 
But still I want to move on with my life keeping this aside I am aware that this will take time but I am not sure how to go about with this.. I am sorry my grammar and punctuation are all over the place but yeah I didn't want to disturb the flow.

True friends here


Alcohol

Do anyone has friends like in movies and serials. Do people really care about someone else other then themselves. 

Anxiety

Is it okay to just have 1 friend? I see other people have many good friends and their own groups. I'm a very shy and introverted person so I don't really have that many friends(actually none, just 1). Is this a bad thing?

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