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Anonymous

hello!! really long message up ahead 😦

i usually hate letting out my negative feelings to anyone as i hate negative vibes ): but this has already become too unbearable for me to the point of not knowing what to do anymore. for all my life, ive grown up in a traditional and conservative household with strict parents. sometimes, things here get a little unbearable and it really hurts to not be able to let it out.

my mom, for instance, never fails to make me feel very insecure about myself. from looks to studies, i’ve always been constantly compared to everyone else who looked more beautiful than me, and to everyone who were smarter than me. she manages to point out all my mistakes again and again, and always blames me for everything that goes wrong in my life. i’ve always tried to change for the better, but nothing ever seems to work.

my dad, on the other hand, favors my sister more than me. recently, my sister opened a small online business just to cope with quarantine. my dad has been nothing but supportive towards it, and has always helped her with everything that she needed. i love my sister to the moon, but sometimes i wondered what it would be like to have that sort of attention as well. my dad would always tell my mom on how at least one of us was being productive instead of lounging around reading books and talking with friends. hearing those words really hurt me, as there have been so many other instances where this happened as well.

sometimes, all these are too painful to take in to the point that i just end up crying in front of them. to make things worse, they berate me and call me immature for crying. they tell me that i have no right to cry over things like these, and that i always manage to make a big deal out of everything. they say that i have the worst attitude ever, and they always see the negative side of me. everything really hurts so much, but i dont want to come off as ungrateful or selfish to other people.

there were many times i wished that i was born into another family, or many times i wished that i was dead instead. to help cope, i read books and watch shows to throw away this heaviness. although these days, they dont really seem to work anymore.

i just hope there could be someone here who could just talk to me and understand me ): maybe you guys could drop some book or show/kdrama recommendations so i could try them out! thanks to all of you for reading this long message! (: stay safe and always take care.

9 Comments
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Anonymous

Hii… I kinda have the same situation. but it’s life , I don’t think I can give any advice taking your mind off but you just gotta accept:(
And I love reading books and watching k dramas as well , would love to talk .

Anonymous

thank you for this! despite the similar situations that we are currently facing, i hope that you’re doing well. i would really also love to talk and share more about books and kdramas 😃)

Anonymous

Yes Iam , hope you are too.
You can always find me on Instagram ( ii_znb9 )
Take care love.

snktmore
@snktmore

After reading your post I genuinely feel you are hoping others to change for you and accept you as it is. Life doesn’t work that way, you need to prove worthy at times at least to your parents because they always have hopes attached with their children. I’m not justifying your parents behaviour but you should take it otherwise and do something productive, why don’t you take interest in your sister’s business and help her out growing it.

You never know, you might find purpose for your life too. Parents in all their capacity, upbringing and past experiences try to parent their children. Which may be wrong for instance if you mother compares you with others then take it positively, and atleast try if you can incorporate that in your life.

Reading books and watching webseries is good pass time but not productive. Books are expections if you are reading self-help books.

For once think what “you” really want to achieve in life. Set goals and work on them to try and reach them. Even, if you fail you shouldn’t lose hope keep trying.

I’m saddened to burst your bubble but you need to shake few things in your lifestyle. Change won’t happen unless you change yourself. Hope you take it in right intent and sorry if I’ve hurt you unintentionally.

TFTD: “Bitter truth is always helpful than comforting lies”.

Anonymous

thank you for this! your words have really enlightened me and opened my eyes to a new aspect regarding this situation.

snktmore
@snktmore

I’m happy to know that!

o
@ordinaryguy

You are very well understood. You are in a negative environment. World has long accepted that negative motivations comparisons does to a child more harm than good. However it is still practiced by teachers and parents. Unfortunately they are thinking they are saying all this for child benefit and to correct him/her. It is so easy to say do not react but so difficult to not. I do not suggest you try to be someone or do something just because someone is saying so. Having said that explore your wills desire and interests, if its books can you write/review them have you tube channel…anything… right now you are using books/drama to shut yourself off and not think whats happening to you its better you accept whats happening and know its not your fault and try to do something good in life. All the best.

Anonymous

thank you so much for this! these are the words that i’ve always wished to hear from someone (:

o
@ordinaryguy

Its an honor…thanks