Hello.
I’m new here and I’m going to attempt to talk about something that is currently happening in my life and is really hard to deal with.
A few months ago I cheated on my wife. I gave her chlamydia because I didn’t use a condom. We got treatment for the Chlamydia and we’re clean from it now. We’ve been going to couples therapy and individual therapy as well.
I’ve been doing some digging within myself because I don’t understand what led me to cheat but I think there’s a connection to my past trauma. When I was 9 I was sexually abused for several years before my mom found out. Shortly after this trauma I began watching porn. Throughout my life I watched porn more and more. Watching porn and masturbating. This is how I’ve coped throughout my life. I’m 32 now and I can tell you that the porn has not stopped. I’ve been addicted for so many years.
I went to therapy for the sexual trauma when I was 25 but we never talked about the porn addiction. Never thought to bring it up. I didn’t think it was an issue. Fast forward to now and man, was I wrong.
Dealing with this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I love my wife and i did something so terrible. It’s sometimes hard to feel like I’m not a horrible person. Something that hurts deeper is that she cannot be intimate with me. She’s expressed that she needs to date other people. That she needs to feel good about herself again by dating other people. We don’t share time or space anymore. When we’re near each other the air is filled in silence. We have some moments of being comfortable with each other but that’s currently rare.
I feel that her dating other people is only pushing each other away further. I’m reaching out to her but she’s pushing me away. I understand it’s hard to forgive the thing I’ve done but it just feels like she’s giving up on us and I’m holding on to a small thread. I know that she loves me but it’s hard to watch her be with other people. I don’t want her to fall in love somewhere else. I want us to try and rebuild what I’ve broken but she’s not there yet I guess.
I feel like she’s avoiding me. I feel that she’s avoiding working on what’s going on by seeing other people.
I know this is a lot of information. It’s a lot, what’s going on in my life. I probably left some details out but i tried to give as much as I could. I feel like I got the majority of what’s happening. I appreciate whoever reads this and responds accordingly.
Please be kind. This is not easy and not easy to talk about. Appreciate you.
Thousand Leaf @thousand_le...
Hi. It’s very difficult situation you are in specially for your wife. I can only inagine how painful it is for her. First, your broke the trust she gave you and much worse with giving the chlamydia. 😔
Second, you must have shattered her sense of self-worth by cheating and doing it with other people that’s why she said she needs to feel good again. She’s trying to build what you broke by seeing other people and maybe it is also a form of escape for her. You are right, it is driving both of you away from each other what she’s doing…But did it ever crossed your mind that you already made a gap between you two the moment you cheated with your wife? I know you want to save your relationship but on your wife’s POV it can be very difficult to do and maybe impossible to happen already. I just want to say that you should no longer expect that she will forgive you. But if her love for you overcomes all those pain you caused her and she decides to rebuild your relationship, you have a lifetime to prove yourself to her.
I do realize that I created the gap. Everything about what i did is messed up. I appreciate your words and the perspective you’ve given me.
Abhijeet A.K @akabhi
Bro she is suffering from chlamydia from you??
If yes then there is no person in this world can have answers / suggestions for this but there is only solution that if ur wife loves you more than anything then she won’t date anyone and be with you
But from her point of view also it’s very difficult to change her thoughts
All the very best and hope everything will be alright
We both got treated and no longer have Chlamydia.
Now&Me @nowandme
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