Hello,
I wanna share something.
I’m a closeted gay guy for 21 years, ever since I was born. I’m Asian and I live with my conservative and very traditional family. I’ve known who I am since I was around 7 years old. I noticed it when I realized I act differently compared to others. I find guys attractive. I got bullied because of who I am in school. It was not a pretty childhood for me, I had to embrace it. I had to wear a mask and hide who I am inside since then.
This effects me in my skills of conversation and society skills. Since I’m not able to express how I feel, I’m always left out. I don’t really know how to talk to people. I’m not able to show my talents in dancing and other stuffs because they are not manly. I’m being cut off from things that I really like to do.
As I grow older I thought to myself ‘Am I 100% gay? Is it just a phase?’. I came out to my parents last year. They’re not really supportive. They say it’s just how I’m feeling right now, that I’ll grow over it. My siblings suggested to date a girl.
So I tried online dating a few weeks ago and found a match. It was a girl and she was perfect. Our personality match, our favorite food, favorite movies, hobbies, and everything. She has beautiful body with a pretty face and sparking eyes. But I had no attraction towards her, whatsoever. I feel guilty dating her of course. It brakes my heart to hurt her. I had to tell her the truth before things get any further. We weren’t official bf and gf.
It made me sure I’m 100% homosexual. But I don’t know how to overcome this. As you may know, Asian parents expects great things form their child. I’m the 2nd oldest and the first son in the family. They use phrases like ‘As an oldest son, you should make this family proud! You should bring this whole family success! You have a responsibility as an oldest son! Bla Bla Bla!!!’ I can’t take it to be honest. All these stress put on me and I can’t even be myself. I’m tired of wearing a mask. I wanna live my life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna abandon my family. They’re all I have. I don’t want to upset them either.
All I want is to hold someone in my arms like others do. Have romantic dates. Comforting me when there’re bad times. Right now I’m all by myself while my friends are having grate time with their significant others. I’ve been single for my whole life. I wanna know what love is. I wanna feel love. I wanna have a supportive family who understands me.
Right now, all I feel is pain and depression. My parents don’t really know how to read me because I can just act nothing is wrong (Been wearing the mask for so long, I don’t even know how to take it off). I feel jealous because when I see other people I can’t help but feel happy for them but at the same time, it really hurts me. All I can do is hope one day I can find someone and make my life a better place to live in.
Hey!
I get what you are telling. The parent stuff. I don’t know why we Asians have so many rules on how to live. It affects us a lot, I know. Don’t let it get to you though. Otherwise, we won’t get to be happy. And you just wait, you’re going to find the perfect person to spend your life with. And when that happens, smile and think how great your life is. For now, be strong.
xxx
Thank you for your kind words.
Jiminie's_JamsA... @jiminiejunkookietae
Hey, I get it, I’m pansexual, I’m 18, I found out I was pansexual when I was 9. My parents were unsupportive, and they are still unsupportive right now, I’m the eldest child, they always say things like,“You’re the eldest, you have to keep the family looking good and make them proud of you, don’t mess this up Chelsea.” It really hurts, but I’m not asian so I wouldn’t completely understand how you feel but I feel like I can understand part of what you are feeling. I’ve had one girlfriend and 1 boyfriend and my parents only accepted the guy. They never allowed the girl, I had to pretend to break up with her until a week later she broke up with me.
Jiminie's_JamsA... @jiminiejunkookietae
Sorry, 16. I’m sixteen, I miss clicked
I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. But don’t let you parents control your life. I’m sure one day you’ll find what you are looking for. You control your own life and live your way. That’s what I believe. As for me, I’ll still hang in there until the right time.
Jiminie's_JamsA... @jiminiejunkookietae
Well, I hope things turn out well in the end, what I believe is that everything happens for a reason.
Thou my message might be not that useful but still listen…it’s normal for parents to have high expectations from their child, especially from the oldest, as an first born in a family…I too face the trouble, they saying you should be good example to the youngest, you shouldn’t make the family loose face infront of everyone, As the oldest why can’t you understand these things. Parents should keep high expectations for there children but not to the extent it start pressuring them. It’s doesn’t matter if you are gay or not, they should love the child not because it bring family honour and respect or any other reason but because it is the child whom they gave birth to, raise dearly and loved. When coming out to your parents, some might accept it, some might need some time to accept it, some might just don’t accept it. They might think you are just confused or going the wrong path, but since you have accepted yourself, you have to confidently come clean to they. Say that it are not just a feeling, that you will grow out of it, say that it is who you are!! As about your talents, it’s not for like showing off your manliness, it’s about to show your interest, your hobbies, your passion, your happiness in it. You like it you do it!! As a girl, I never ever learned to dance even if my family urged to, my family says that I am more like a girl than boy, and I happily accept it…my mom always nagg me to be elegant, be good in cooking, and all Household…if you behave like this how will you find a good husband??? Well, I have decided to not be a house wife but to find a House husband. I will marry by my own wishes and I will do things that interest me, no one can stop, if they will be in my way to my dreams, soon when I start doing job, I will leave home, as a daughter I also have wishes to support my family but I am not a puppet they can control to make me do what they like. I will send them money monthly and some present but never visit them unless they accept the way I am. You should also do the same, I know it might feel that you are ungrateful to them…but it the only way you can be yourself, don’t hide because of who you are, be confident in who you are for yourself and for your future partner who will be always by your side, smiling, loving and cheering you for who you are…
*Oh just a little advise , if you really decided to leave the family there are ways you can search in Google “How to disown your family” etc. if you don’t want to feel you are ungrateful to them just send them money monthly.
Your message was very supportive to be honest. And yes, I plan to run away when I’m financially ready. (If they don’t accept me for who I am) I’m waiting for the right time. And just like you said, I also have in mind that I’ll support my family from away. Thank you so much for sharing. I really needed that.
