I am going through a divorce process I married (court) with my bf last year for visa. During lockdown we stayed with our family. He started to become very controlling and aggressive. After a extreme fight I was not able to handle anymore so I stopped talking to him. Now he is in different country and I am still at my parents house. I miss him and cry alot and always doubt on my decision it gives me anxiety and sadness all day. I feel like Stuck can't concentrate on anything. Think about him alot and always think what would have happened If I would have decided to stay with him. I stalk him sometimes ..he looks fine and he moved on. But I am not fine..I am finding it very hard to move on. 

I'm too young to advise you something but I would say u should think about him controlling u and being manipulative rather than thinking about ur happy moments or being in love moments it will help you moving on also ik it will be difficult but ik u can bcoz u r stronger than you think ik this bcoz u stood up for urself and u did a right thing as far Ik.. Also I'll say it's okay to stalk him seeing him moved on will also help u and I suggest find some distraction that can be anything art, music, hanging out with friends , meeting new people or going on a solo trip.. Hope this will help a bit ... Also most important Staring loving urself more than you love him ❤️ thing is life goes people come make memories and leave and we have to learn to live without them eventually it takes sometime but everything  becomes normal as it used to be .. and if good time doesn't last forever than this bad phase this will also go away ... Try to be happy ik it's easy to say and difficult to apply ....
 that's what I think 

Breakup

Im sorta scared im gonna be judged for this, so im going annonymous. Im dating this boy, I have known him for 4 years, he dated one of my old friends from when she lived in vegas which is where they met and now they both live in my state, he lives a while away tho. we have never met in person, but weve facetimed, texted, called for that amount of time. we barley ever talk tho, he never answers my calls anymore, we have liked eachother on and off for a few yrs but finally started dating so idk.. hes pretty toxic but we have a good connection and ive known him forever. i feel silly. im 15, hes 15 too. 

Relationships

I've a guy in my life who forcefully come into my life. I never wanted him into my life at the first place and I'd told him alot of times. He's being so toxic to me for like no reason. He's behaving like I'm like a property for him. Whenever we get into a fight he stopped talking to me and after a week he comes to me and talk like nothing happened doesn't even feel sorry about it. And if I complain he put all blame on me and make me feel guilty. I agree that he helped me at first but now he is using it as an excuse like he always count it on every problem that he helped me but I never asked him to help me. He was interfering my life too much at that. He made my life too much tough at that time. I don't how to leave him. Sometimes I don't want to leave him because somehow I'm attached to him and another time I just want to day away from him

My parents are strict I wanna be out on new year eve w my bf bt even if i lie about being with friends they gonna vc me ya ask for pics maybe.. helpp me out guys!!! Give me some ideas???? 

Boyfriend

Long post alert!
In 2015, this guy in my college apparently had a crush on me. I never noticed him because I was in a trauma caused by my very first breakup. That was a toxic relationship. I had plans not to ever get attached to anyone. This guy came to me pretending to be emotionally broken. 
Inspired by all the Bollywood movies, I thought may be I can help him build himself back. Because I knew what it was like to be broken and alone. I was being a nice friend to him. He started hitting on me and I somehow got into dating him. Empathy may be because honestly he wasn't the best looking guy out there. If I had to get attracted to him, I would have at least noticed him since we used to hangout in a common group. Once I said yes, his behavior started fluctuating. The guy who opened up to me when I was a stranger, now didn't want to talk at all about feelings. He kept avoiding me. He kept dumping me and kept coming back crying and apologizing. Being the dumb emotional fool I was, I accepted him every time. 
It became a pattern. He would hurt me, be emotionally unavailable, cheat on me (with a very close friend of mine) or do equivalent things that used to hurt me. We graduated and he broke up again. We both started working in different cities. He came back to me 6 months later and broke up with me again.  
I tried my hand in dating but nothing worked out. He had hurt me so bad, I was afraid this will happen again. Someone will pretend to care and then walk all over me. I cut all my ties with him during this phase. And the pattern occurred again. I randomly got a ping from him that he was so sorry on how he treated me. "Karma had me like a bitch", he said. His girlfriend didn't treat him right and stuff. I told him to leave me alone. He kept coming back and I blocked him. A year and a half passed and our mutual friends told me how guilty and miserable he is. They asked me to at least forgive him. I decided may be I should relieve him from the guilt he is carrying. I unblocked him and he cried saying he knew one day I will ping him back. "Love Aaj Kal" level shit. 
I was single at that point. He kept hitting on me, even proposed to me. I knew he is bad news so I ignored him. Around that time my parents started putting pressure on me for an arranged marriage. They even asked me if I have a boyfriend but I was single so I said no. They convinced me that they will allow me to marry the person I love (That's a trap guys. Abort mission!). My biggest fear is waking up and hating my life for being next to the wrong guy. 
I was scared I will be married off to a stranger and here my ex was being total opposite of the jerk he was in college. Nice, caring, romantic loving yep so much so that I couldn't believe it's the same guy. He also kept pushing me to say yes to him. I fell for his acting skills and said yes to his proposal. I thought at least I know what I will be dealing with. Plus a cute story to tell my kids. How romantic right? No it was't ._____.  I told at my home and my family turned against me. They hated him because he didn't match their "preferences". If you are Indian you'll know exactly what I am talking about. I fought with my entire family for us. On the other side, his attitude started changing. Once he realized the ball is in his court, he started taking me for granted AGAIN! 
What was I thinking right?! Stupid me. All my friends told me not to give him a chance and I allowed him to hurt me anyway. All the crying he did to win me back were crocodile tears. Oh boy the tears I shed again for that idiot!
I fell sick with all the stress. My health deteriorated. My parents would not talk to me. If they do, they will either cry and ask me to break up with him or they would only curse me. My friends were upset that I am back with the jerk who hurt me.I had nobody with me. Every time I headed to him for a comfort, he would either be "too busy" drinking or smoking or partying with his friends. He did manage time to talk to his ex frequently though. I understood that he doesn't love me at all. He just loved the way I treat him and make him feel about himself. When he dated another woman, he realized how less of efforts he had to put being with me. 
 
I continued to be with him but I had kept my feelings for him and anxiety of dying alone aside. Past the high time to think. Thought to myself what am I fighting for? Is this the life I want where my partner doesn't give a fuck about my existence? Doesn't talk to me, won't put a penny worth of efforts to keep me happy. What kind of relationship is this where he gets all the love and fulfillment and I get is betrayal, excuses, a sense of emptiness. One day we fought again on one of the usual things. He did something he promised he wouldn't do and got caught the third time. Because I had excused him two times he arrogantly said "This is who I am and I am not sorry". I didn't sleep the whole night crying and thinking what am I doing. I had seen this in the movies but I didn't know that I can actually stay up the whole night in worry! 

I was tired of the one trying to fix things, the only one putting efforts to save this relationship. I called him and asked to get his act together. He refused. So finally I had the guts to say, "I am not going to sit here and get hurt again and again by you. If you didn't actually change, you had no right to pretend to be someone you are not. This is not what I signed up for. I can't do this anymore. I deserve to be with someone who makes me feel good and not shit."
It was over. I called my dad and said, "This break up is on you and mom. I had found someone, trusted you and told you about him. You all refused and abused me. Don't want the guys from matrimonial website. If I ever fall in love again, I will come and tell you again. Until then let me be. Next time I won't be polite to ask your permission." I know the first line is a lie but that will keep them off from intimidating me. Else they will say "Your choice was bad as you can see. Now we will decide who is good for you".

It has been 7 months since. It still hurts like a fresh wound. I try to be positive. My dad still sends me profile links for guys he finds "suitable match" and I ignore. I have forgiven my parents for all the horrible things they had said to me... Because I know it's their ego they won't even acknowledge the pain they caused me. Not to brag but you know all my life I have been a good daughter. Since childhood on every special occasion like when I score good marks, if it's my birthday or I achieve something big my dad would ask me what I want and I always said "You have already provided me everything I need. I don't need anything for now, but let this be due. In future when I actually need something I will let you know". I was the sincere one of the home. The one who would bring back the change to dad even if it is a penny. The one time I asked them for something I wanted, they rejected it. Titled me "disappointment to the family" just like that. I mean let's say if instead of that jerk I had a genuinely good guy as my boyfriend. They would have asked me to dump him. Kids out there doing drugs and getting pregnant but sure I am wrong being decent person, earning my own money and a woman of integrity to tell them upfront about the man I like instead of eloping.
Damn sometimes I feel I should have been more like my sister. She has traveled and spent my dad's money generously. At least she has enjoyed her life and has amazing memories. I waited to earn my own money to travel and my dad doesn't even allow me to do that. I am 26. "Old enough" to marry a random stranger from matrimonial website and have my own house and kids but "Too young" to see the country with my friends. I am allowed to travel with my husband. What a shitty deal! This label of being "good" as per the society isn't worth it man. Sometimes I think what's the point of existing like this... 

My ex is probably getting married by the end of this year. I don't know and don't care. Life is short you know. Mom and dad are getting older. I can't change my them but I can forgive them and love them for whatever time we have left. It would hurt less if my dad stops pushing me to meet the guys from matrimony. No offence to them they must be awesome. I am just not ready for a commitment now. Hey better ruin 1 life than 2 right. All the pain rushes back when my dad starts blaming me for ruining his retirement plans. Well, hello! At least take a look at the wounds before punching me again. He just wants to settle me before something happens to him. I get that but I just can't take this stress now. 
I think I will let it happen naturally. Let it take next 15 years to meet my soulmate. It will be worth the wait. I get it, it will take time to get over everything. I don't trust my parents anymore. I don't know man.. It takes a lot of courage to trust and put your feelings out there. Both my ex and my parents shattered it. Some days I find it damn hard to get out of my bed. I have been looking solutions before I go completely crazy. Self help Youtube videos, books, trying to learn self love, to find motivation, to find a purpose of my life. I can't seem to find much change now. I can't forget what has happened. May be it will fade with time like all other pains do. I try to answer people on this platform. Helps me pull myself together for them. 
Sorry I didn't want to bum you out or bore you. I am a funny person. I have stopped sharing my feelings lately as it didn't made me feel better. Since I can post as anonymous here, I'm going to try and see if it helps. Alright I am done. Whoever made till here, thank you for hearing me out. 🤗 I am sorry to everyone who has much bigger problems to deal with. Would be good to hear your thoughts. 

Depression

I feel in love with someone more than 4 years but he don't have idea about it today he called me and invited me his engagement party then I just simply replied him congrats am so happy for you he said tq and said find someone for you also can I help you, I replied him stop teasing me then he Caught the call, I wish I said him before how I feel for him , she is so lucky man she got gem 💎

One Sided Love

Why??
I met a guy in aug 2018 and got married in november 
We dated fr 2 months and we did our roka and all.
This guy he used to be so supportive and used to motivates me in life for my career and my desires....i was happy because these are qualities a partner should have.....to love each other ..understand eachother ...support eachother and respect their choices.
..i was getting everything from him before marriage ..infact he was the one who proposed me for marriage and i wasnt ready so early as i wanted to make my career and support my mom as she is single parent ...he told me u can do it post marriage also ....that he and i will make our careers post marriage and live amazing life.
After 3th or 4th day of marriage he said he is nt comfortable with me working outside...
All i had to do is cooking and bed pleasures...my life ended....i couldnt go down alone fr a walk also...even if i am.talking on phone to anyone ...he will b there and nt leave me alone...his mother told me once her one of the oldest pandit said ...i should stay away from my mother because my mother will ruin my life and eat my happiness...
I gave up everything...my career, my family ,my friends, my lifestyle , my happiness, still my husband use to fight and use to call me emotionless ,cold hearted , and he will go for sanyas and all.
And noone cared that everyday i was crying and dieing iniside .
Why in this generation also people think girls are only fr cooking and bed pleasures
Why they cant make careers and love her parents post marriage
Why she cant visit her paternal families 
Why she always have to wait fr permission???


Marriage

im sad and confused , my ex and I have been on and off for a long time and 1 month ago we decided we needed time well I did because I found out he looked for his ex back then and honestly it did hurt me so much yet I can't manage to hate him I love him so much and I hate it. the other we spoke and we told me that this time will be good for both because we need to heal and because he wants to change because he wants to be what's best for me and some part of me has hope but then I feel like maybe I should just move on .. I need closure and im so lost... I love him so much ... what would you guys do ?

Lonely

Hey you guys, i just got off from the phone from someone with whom i am trying to have a relationship. So we had a fight and then i took about 1 week or more to calm myself down and made myself to talk to that person. Now while we were on call he did a little stunt against which i cut the call and blocked him but he kept messaging to call. Apparently he is having panic attack because of what i did and then on vc he blamed me, like itne dino se baat nhi hui h or tu abhi bhi yeh kr rhi h, i am heartless. 
I saw his anger, his frustation and how he blamed me on the vc, it was a nightmare to see someone close to you reacting in the certain manner and you are being responsible for it. I felt like i have to right to live , i am the worst inspite that whole episode raised my anxiety to next level

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts