Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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BoyfriendThought

@meera

Hello everyone,

Sharing my feelings here after a long time… 1.5 years back I posted some of my thoughts with you where I was struggling with my love life (you can read my previous thoughts on my profile so you will be more clear with my current thought) but today I’m at very different stage of life.

I’m living with my boyfriend from last 1 year, yes we are in a live-in relationship though we are still facing some issues with families but I think they will accept us eventually coz they have got to know that we are not going to live without each other…WE ARE SO IN LOVE!!!

Everything is good and going well between us, he trusts me and understand me now, he loves me more, we spend a lot of time together- watching movies, having fun, party, outing n all… We are very much stable now mentally, physically, financially, we overcame from all those things happened in past.

So here’s the main part of my thought today…

Everything was perfectly fine but then few days ago I got to know something which I never knew what exactly happened…so I heard call recordings in his phone of that time when we were struggling with our love life… I wasn’t having phone with me that time coz my parents took it from me and we were not in touch for almost 2 months (he was somehow aware about it)…so in those recordings he was insulting me he told those things to his friends and cousins which were just between us like I use to tell him everything about my life about my family my parents my job my past etc. every small detail of my daily life but he disclosed everything to them…coz he thought I cheated on him and I purposely left.

Rather than waiting for me or understanding me he did all this and at that point of time I was lonely and depressed… I didn’t knew he’s gonna tell everything to everyone. I wasn’t even aware about those things that were happening behind my back. Even when I came back we met he didn’t tell me everything I just knew some parts of it and I forgotten it coz all I wanted was to be with him.

When I was a kid my mom had an affair and I never shared that feeling with anyone coz I was afraid…but when I was in love I told him about it I shared with him that how I use to feel that time, how hard it was for me to share. But he disclosed it and told to his friend stating “maa hi aisi hai toh vo b aisi hi hogi na” he judged me on that😑

I really don’t know what to feel after that coz the person I love, the person whom I trust alot, the person who’s everything to me…did this??? How??? Why??? Can’t we talk about our feelings with the person we love without any judgements. I spoke to him about it and he said I wasn’t in a stable state it just came out of my mouth in anger.

From that day I’m not feeling comfortable sharing anything with him and that’s why I chose to share my story here, coz it really helped me earlier and I hope it will help me throughout my life.

Please guys share ur thoughts on this and help me what should I do??

🏪
13 replies
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Anonymous

You need to clear the stuffs
Cause this insecurities will gradually kill you it won’t let you live a normal life

@meera

I know it is killing me more and more coz I’m really afraid to discuss these things again and just overthinking about all stuff that happened 😪

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@meera

Yes you are absolutely right. I have to take the decision on my own whether it is right or wrong. I shouldn’t have to ask other people but these opinions and moral support means alot it boosts me also when you have nobody to talk and want to share ur inner thoughts, this is the right place where I can open up about it without any hesitation. So just thanks for your support. I will make myself clear and will sort it out.

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@meera

If I would have any friends to talk to then they would have been my first preference and diaries are old fashion also it is one sided where you will not get the answers you will just overthink about all those things but when I share with everyone about my life’s part it gives me more strength coz I get to know about my capability and my worth…also when you are going through some stuff you are not able to take any decisions it makes you worse…

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@meera

Yes I agreed and I still agree with the same it’s just you get to know where you stand… anyways I’m not gonna take people’s decision blindly which is not suitable for me, I’ll end up taking my decision only… it’s just like a therapy to me that’s all

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@meera

Thanks for such positive response… I needed it coz I’m getting too much negative vibes these days ♥️

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