Hello Everyone,
Looking to vent as I’m hoping the wonderful community here can perhaps share their thoughts on a situation that am undergoing at the moment.
I’m a man and met a woman way back in 2002. Back then we started off as friends but from the get-go it was obvious that there was something between us. Due to me studying elsewhere and her in another place the friendship naturally grew from 2002 - 2008 (mainly online and whenever we would meet during semester holidays).
In mid 2008, I then made a decision to move back to my city for professional work. The same city where she also lives in and naturally we started to hang out more and more in person. This is where the drama started to unfold. As we hung out with each other I realized that she was a different person online then in person. She hid many things from me while I was transparent thru and thru all those years past.
Fast forward to early 2009 and slowly “this other guy” starts cropping up in the picture as “her friend”. But her close circle of friends nonetheless wiser spilled the beans and told me that he’s been after her since 2005! And I don’t know if it was me moving back for work or what it was, she suddenly started spending more time with this other guy. Things got so bad between me & her (most arguments instigated by the other guy as well with death threats & emotional blackmail on how he’s going to kill himself if she didn’t pick him) that she suddenly in the middle of 1 particular argument “realized” that she loves this other guy.
Being a self respecting guy with exceptional high value to provide, I walked away from her for being very disrespectful & distasteful in the way I was treated and the overall friendship. I walked away from her which happened towards end of 2009.
I didn’t speak to her for 10 years until I accidentally reconnected with her without knowing it was her number in June 2020 and that too due to a careless work related incident from my side. But in those 10 years she would send an odd email here and there inquiring about me - almost all of which were never read by me.
When we spoke in June 2020 at length… 2 things stood out:
1. That other guy she picked… cheated on her and left her (her words, not mine) in 2012. He then married someone immediately in 2013 and here’s the kicker… killed himself a few months into that marriage.
2. Post his suicide - she went “wild” - whatever this means. But apparently seeing someone from 2013 onwards to present which in her own words is “similar” to the guy that left her in 2012.
The messages since June were brief and we only spoke twice or thrice over a 6 month period. With this ongoing pandemic and moving into 2021 - I’ve decided that I don’t want her or such people like her in my life. They are not good for me.
There is a very small (negligible) corner of me that may have some residual feelings of affection for her. But just the thought of a 2nd round of drama is what I’m never signing up for.
I want to completely move on. I’ve accepted the fact that I will never be talking or seeing this person and I’m A+ OK with it. How do I go about this process and come out victorious? Any guides/books/practise to completely let go of her.
Thanks & Sorry for the long rant.
Whew that’s a lot of drama. I’m really happy you separated yourself from that situation. I think you should focus on yourself and your career. Focus on your life and what you want to do next with your life. Like are you married? Do you want to get married? Do you want kids? Are you at a good spot in your career? Are you where you want to live? Just see how you want to move next into your life and eventually she will become a faint memory. It takes a lot of time and progress to completely move on from someone you’ve known for so long. I wish the best for you ! I know that you’ll come out victorious (:
Thank you @toya3. This platform feels so good to vent and also to listen to other’s life issues as well. In the 10 year gap that I didn’t talk to her, I worked on myself and am in a good spot in my career.
What I’m looking forward to next is bringing in the right partner for me. If I can get this right, the other things will just fall into place. How’s your week been so far?
You’re welcome. I believe the right person is going to come into your life soon if youre ready for it. My week has been fine just working all the time. Trying to escape home. Thank you for asking how about yourself ?
I’m doing great & feeling much better. Thanks for asking. Venting all that out did help. Looking forward to 2021. Escape from home? Wanna share?
I’m glad you feel better, venting seems to be the answer to everything. But sure I’ll share, I apologize in advance it’s a little much. It’s mostly just my father. I never want to be around him. He pisses me off and is always complaining about something. He doesn’t do shit himself. He’s like a fucking baby it’s so annoying and I’m so tired of being around that. There’s so much about him that makes me wanna punch him and I feel so bad for it. I feel bad for hating him and for despising him but I just can’t help it. I honestly just feel like he’s ruined so much of my life and the more I grow up, the more I realized how messed up he is. So…I just go to work every day and escape from my problems for 12 hours lol. There are so many fucked up things that he’s done that have fucked me up in the head and being away from home just makes me forget about him and all the problems I have with myself. Once I come home I just realized how fucked up I am and how damaged I am, mostly because of him.
I’m sorry to hear this @toya3. I hear how painful that is through your words. There are a lot of people who also deal with this. I have dealt with something similar. There is nothing to be ashamed of, it affects a lot of us. I know I felt very confused and ashamed at first, too. But I got through it and I absolutely know you will, too.
There’s no option to atleast live separately for the time being?
Yeah, unfortunately, can’t afford it right now
