Heartbroken !!
At age of 28, when people are getting married, my going to be marriage with my girlfriend was broken because of conflicts between families and weird expectations of parents ! Damn confused, how to save this marriage !!!
If you love each other. Don’t let parents mess the scene up. Take a stand otherwise you ll regret lifelong. No parents is going to live with you forever. Don’t lose someone you are compatible with because of stupidity of parents
I am willing to take the stand, but the girl i love she feels that we cannot get married without the approval of parents, because if we do that then there will always be that bitterness between her and my family and that will bite our marriage in future. Because with so many problems i can force our families to get us married but asking them that get us married happily is a different game altogether. Seriously confused !
Yes doing that as of now !! I am trying to talk to my parents, trying to give them points, can you help me with one thing because in such situations parents skip the logical part and start the emotional drama, any tips on handling that
Hmmm !! Thankss
28 years, why?
Sorry didn’t understand your question? Her parents are thode religious, to hamari kundli nahi mili thi zyada initially, but meine aur usne zidd krke proceed kra tha, to uske maa baap mante hai ki yeh toh hona hi tha kyunki kundli ni milti thi 🤦♂️ bc yeh kundli hoti hi kyun hai, so they are like bhagwan jo krta hai ache ke liye krta hai
We will probably live separately, not in one house but nearby or in same city, because mujhe nahi lagta dono saath reh paenge
Ye sab drama maa baap ka hai it’s like same story har dusre couple ke life me.
Sab ka ego aata kabhi kundali aata. Hum sab kar kara kr baithe hain.
Tumhara bhi kundli ka scene bola tha kissi ek ke maa baap ne?
Haa uske mummy papa ne manga tha mera kundali. Thankfully bande ne kundali aisi bheji ki sab match ho gya. Hahahah ghapla krke de diya kundali ki lo 32 gun mila diye
😂😂😂
Financial and household chores you and your partner has to manage. Your parents need maid Or bahu.? If you like the girl and you are fine with how you both will manage household and finances then apply your common sense. She is coming as a life partner not household manager.
I completely agree to you that she is becoming my life partner and not a maid, i respect that. But the only issue my parents are getting so rigid that it is like going against the parents if i want to marry her, for once i will do that too, bcoz i honestly love her. But she won’t marry without approval of both parents because she feels marriages without parent approval don’t work in long run, also with so many arguments as of now everyone involved is becoming negative and i am trying everything to keep the hope alive !
I agree parents can be rigid.
I agree with her also ki bina approval ke shadi kaisi hoti hai
Wahi to choice h
She and you have to choose. If she disagrees then don’t fight.
Dono ko equal stand lena parega na.
And truth be told when you or she will be stuck in an arranged marriage jb biwi ya husband se nhi banegi tab ye gharwaale nhi aaenge. They ll say compromise kro.
Rightly said, i will try to convince my parents again, meanwhile abhi usse baat hold pr hai, can you give me 1-2 more advice on personal chat if it okay with you?
You both have to decide. At the end it’s between two people only. You cannot please everyone. Talk to her. If she is not ready to take stand and decide then understand that it wasn’t strong enough
Even if you both marry someone else is bat ki kya guarantee hai ki sab ek dusre ko pasand krenge
And what if sabki please krne ke chakkar me you end up with someone you don’t like then???
Try to convince. But end result clear rakho dimag me ki shadi krni h ya nhi. Agar nhi mante hai then what. Then why waste time. Abhi hi give up kr do and save your time and hers
I am willing to marry her going against my family too, but she honestly feels that doesn’t work, so vo waisa nahi kregi, so it’s like ki uske mere parents ke differences solve hoye kissi tarah ya kuch ni hoga
Logic reason se samajhne wale parents hain to samjhao.
You also put emotional points about your happiness. Threaten them that you won’t marry anyone else if not her
Use emotional blackmail. Indian parents se jyada stubborn koi nahi use the drama against them.
100% true ! Getting your point, I think it’s the main battle of my life right now, sab kuch use krleta hun, seems like you have been through the same, have you?
I am in the middle of the exact same situation. Toxic parents. 3 saal se khel rhe hain hum dono ki bc shadi krwa do lekin nahi maan rhe
You know shadi kisi de bhi kro bad me ghanta koi nahi aata beeche me bolne ka support krne at the end do logo ko hi manage krna padta hai. Sab haath jhad kr bolte ki tumhari shadi hai tum nibhao chahe arranged marriage hi q na ho.
Parents ka role bahot important hai i understand mana ne ka end tak koshish krenge lekin bc jab unko nahi padi humari khushi ki to hum q sacrifice kare apna poora life.
3 saal !! How have you been managing your mental health ! Yeh sab cheeze pura drain krdeti hai kissi ko bhi ! In your case isn’t the bride concerned that agar vo ek aise ghar mein ayegi jahan inlaws pasand nahi krte zyada to kaise manage kregi life long? I know groom saath hoga but still yeh kaafi badi concerns hoti hai ladkiyon ki
Threaten them
Don’t talk to them
Don’t eat.
But before that just make sure the girl is worth it agr wo confirmed hai then majboor kro parents ko ki wo resolve kre matter.
Khushi khushi na sahi atleast problem to na create kre tumhari khushi ke beech me to naa aaye.
Mere case mein farak bas yeh hai ki ladki ko uski family ki bilkul galti nahi lagti, meri family ki hi lagti hai islie vo bhi dheere dheere blame game ka part ban rhi hai, though i am trying to make her understand ki long run mein tera mera saath rehna zaruri hai bas yeh sab jo ho rha hai bakwas hai
Hmmm !! Getting your point, btw how are other people reacting at your home, i mean bhai behen unka support hai aapko?
I love the man
He loves me.
Mental health ka to laga pada hai. But I know if I leave him he won’t be the same his life will be ruined. His parents are not concerned about his happiness but I can’t leave him alone. And truth be told kisi se bhi shadi krwanege usko bhi aisa thodi hai sar aankho pe bitha kr rakhnege. Jinko apne bete ki nahi padi unse kya expect kar sakte.
For me it’s very easy to leave him and marry someone else but I won’t do that. Shadi to bc usi se krungi dekhte hain kaise nahi hoti hai.
Yes his sister and mother are in support except his father. He is rude and pain in the ass. My parents have same reservations that if they are not accepting then we won’t send our daughter in such a home.
But my guy convinced my parents that he will bear my full responsibility. So my parents are half convinced. Only his father is creating problem.
And what do your parents say?? Vo log toh force krte honge ki shaadi krle ! But hats off that you are so committed for the person. Obviously ladke ke maa baap ne bhi bahot batein sunai hogi tumhe? Didn’t you get offended? Because bahot galat galat batein bol dete hai aise mein log
Ladki bhi bechari kya kregi.
Pyar se samjhao.
Kisi ek ko confidence me lo.
Koi ek relative ya parent. One at a time work kro. Don’t let your relationship get bitter that is the main point. Wahi to parents chahte. Ki rishta ho toot jaye. Na rahega baans na bajegi bansuri
Hmmm !!! Sahi baat hai !
Sab ho chuka hai. Aisi aisi baatein kya hi bolu. Sab ho chuka hai kuch nahi bacha. Mere parents are truly not convinced but the want my happiness. Ladke se baat krke they are okay ki he will take care
So your parents are understanding one maltb and vo ladke ke parents ki kahi baton ko ego pr nahi le rhe, yeh achi baat hai
Le rhe the ego pe. Lekin unke bat me koi logic hi nahi to dil pe q lena. Ladka alag rhene lagega shadi ke bad to wo log kya kr lenge batao koi kuch nahi kar paega. Ladke ke parents khud gir rhe apne bete ki nazar me. Mujhe kya mera kaam hai samjhana I will do it.
Hats off for the effort !! How old are you?? If you don’t mind me asking
Mere case mein abhi sab hi anti bathe hai, kyunki abhi jo hua gusse mein meri gf ne bhi kuch kuch bol dia aur sabka aur muah ban gya, but mujhe pta hai vo gusse mein hi bola gya tha
Ladke ke father ne ulta seedha bol diya tha mujhe. To maine suna diya ki bc aise ghatiya parents. Usne suna aur kya krega lekin mummy papa hai to disown to nahi na kr sakta.
Haaan wahi, mein bhi sun leta hun, aur kya hi kr skta hun
His parents tried to lure him with all the tactics. I also thought to leave this mess and marry somewhere else. Then I thought ki wo log jo bhi reason se mana kr rhe usme koi logic nahi hai they are selfish people so why should I leave my guy. I won’t leave him. I worked on keeping our relationship great. Shadi ka kya hai abhi court marriage kr lu lekin I want to give them some more time. Ki maan jaye.
Meri gf bura maan kr baith gyi, usse lag rha hai ki mere parents ki baton se ki vo shaadi ke liye piche padhi hai mere, although mein usse yahi smjha rha hun ki koi kissi ke piche nahi hai, we both want this equally islie sab kr rhe hai, maa baap ki baton ko ignore kr wrna hamara relationship kharab hoga
Hahah same story man same story. Maine break up bhi kar liya tha ki tumhare parents toxic hai mai nhi kr rhi shadi aise ghar me.
Bdw i am 27 my guy is 31.
So vo break up kitne time chala? And what brought you two back together? Just sheer love? I am just trying to understand how things happened for you
Kisi ke man me bhi kadwahat bhar jaega aisi baatein sun ne ke bad. Lekin wahi pe chalaki se kaam lena hoga. Mummy papa to chahte hi hai ki jhagra ho jaye relationship khatam ho jaye to wo bole ki hum to krwa hi rhe the shadi tumhare hi bf/gf ne chor diya to hum kya kre. And kisi bhi ladki ke maa baap nahi chahte ki unko kal ko ye sun na pade ki humare bete ko fasa liya.
He stopped taking to his parents stopped visiting them cutoff all contacts with them. They were not able to hear his voice for 6 months. Then his sis called me i told meri bhi bat nahi hoti genuinely nahi hoti thi. I had blocked and everything ki jao bc tadpo tum baap bete maa sab log. But I couldn’t see him tadapta hua. I couldn’t move on as well. His sister told us to get married in court. I told mere maa baap se bolo unko convince kro tab ladke ne mere papa se bat ki call kiya mila unse. Tab jake maine haa bola ki chalo try krte ek bar aur mana ne ka use maa baap ko.
America wala culture hona chahiye india mein ! Alag hi drama hai love marriage mein, phir tum dekhte ho kuch logon ki itni smoothly ho jaati hai love marriage, humne kya gunah kra tha !
Mein khud ladka hun, islie ladke ke point of view se soch rha hun, vo 6 mahine uska kya hua hoga ! Mera vo 6 mahine jaisa time chal rha hai, yahan ladki gussa hai, maa baap se bhi mein kuch baat krta hun nahi, bas subah khana kha kr ghar se nikal jata hun raat ghar aa kr so jaata hun
I ask this question to myself everydamn day. Sabko haldi lag rhi yaha mere sasural walo kr drame khatam nhi hi rhe
So are you working too?? And yeh sab kahani kis town ki hai? Generally asking like where both you stay?
Take care of yourself ye sab crisis hai these will make you a better man results jo bhi ho.
I am a phD student.Ye sab North india.
Haanji thank you so much !! Talking to you helped a little bit !
Indeed truee !!
We argue I shout at him due to his parents one of his replies
I’m sorry that during these testing times, I’m not being much of a help. It’s very irritating and tiring here and I understand that you have your own problems and difficulties to deal with. But I believe that these situations should not make things bad between us. Because may what come, the base things remain the same.
Nothing changes the fact that I love you more than anything and would do anything to rid you of all your troubles. Just have faith in me and give it some time. Great things are yet to come. Have patience.
I’m sorry once again.
Love you!
I have sent these messages too ! But i actually hear ki kab tk wait krun, aur uske baad nahi maane toh kya, and agar kr bhi li aise shaadi unke bina toh chalegi kya, ab yeh itne open ended question hai inka kya hi javab dun
Uncertainty to hai hi. See I am not judging her as well. Aur bhag kr krne ke apne risks hai agar wo nahi lena chah rhi it’s totally fine. Tumhare parents ka bhi apna reason hoga. Koi jhukna nahi chahta. Specially parents. Lekin middle ground chahiye na.Breakup ke bad bhi easy nahi hoga wo alag struggle hai.
Wahi toh !!! Krunga phirse try mein ghar pr aur rigid ho kr , convince toh krna hi hai
Shadi chalti hai.
Aisa nahi hai ki shadi nahi chalti. Aur ek bar shadi ho jati hai na to sab line pe aa jate hain. Baki dekhi guarantee to kisi cheez ki nahi hai. Here things will be of your choice. You will choose this life. Arranged marriage wala rasta aur kharab hai trust me. Waha pe jo pange hain unka alag list banega. Plus usme parents natak nhi krenge ye bhi guarantee nahi hai. Kyuki indian parents ko to koi satisfy nhi kr paega.
Hahaha you just spoke my mind out !!
Mere bande ne bol diya hai karwai warna mai kr rha hu court marriage. Uske bad mere se koi rishta mat rakhna. My saas bechari pis rhi bete aur pati ke beech me. Tum na apni mummy ko lapeto. Rona dhona kro bolo ki nas kaat lunga. Ghar nhi aaunga zeher kha lunga types. Isne apne ghar pe bol diya tha ki mai shakal nhi dekhunga aplogo ki to us waqt man gye. Ab phir se chutiyapa shuru kr diya hahahahah
Chalo yeh bhi try krletaa hun
