Has this ever happened that you feel out of the town or you don't belong to this place.. 

Recently I transferred to a town but I don't feel good here. Actually I don't have any friend here, I think this could be a reason. 

Yup I am definitely coming to that place in future. 

Actually I don't live there, it's just my college. 

Haa... takes away all the productivity too. I was here since my childhood and now it feels all foreign to me.

I know its an older thread, but it's literally my story. I recently came to my town for Diwali, and I'm not liking it here. I've been lying to myself that its all good, but this post made me realise, this is my exact problem.

Career

I'm losing it. I don't care about anything anymore. I wake up and it's just another day. I've probably had 2/3 hours sleep at best. I'm exhausted but I can't manage more than that. I can't turn off and fall asleep at night. 

I wake up and I just lie here. There is nothing for me to do. Nowhere for me to go. No one expecting me, relying on me... no one missing me.

It's just me. In this room that isn't mine. On this fold up temporary bed. In this life that's suddenly my existence.. because that's all I am now. Just existing. Just breathing. Just here.

No more wedding planning. No more house hunting for that perfect family home. No more security. No arms to hold me as I fall asleep at night after a long day. No plans for tomorrow. No more believing 8 years of love meant anything.

I'm just lead here. Nothing but thoughts and memories and the daydreams of the future we planned for so long it seems irreplaceable.

I'm just alone. I have no purpose. It's all gone. 

I won't get up again today. I won't eat again, I'm not hungry anymore.

I hope one day soon I fall asleep and it keeps me. It's the only thing that could want to keep me now... The only thing I have left to hope for.

Mental Illness

You are hurting me so much, and after talking to you I just feel like shit. I feel like a lot of the things I say are wrong to you. It feels like everything I’m doing is wrong, it does not feel like you love me anymore. I feel like a burden in your life like I’m constantly annoying you when we are on the phone. I don’t know what to do because I’m so hurt and I don’t want to feel like this every night, I’m so exhausted. I’m tired of crying because of you all the time. 

This is not helping me figure out my self-worth. I don’t see myself as a smart person, I don’t know what I am good at, I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t think I am worthy of anything and if I am being told that a lot of what I am saying or doing is weird it makes me feel even worse. Am I just weird? are the things I do not correct? I’ve never felt so different in my life but you are making me feel like I am the weirdest person out there. That the things I do aren’t normal. I don’t want to feel this way. I want to have a purpose and I don’t want the things I do to be seen as, weird. I don’t want to be spoken to the way I am being spoken to by you right now. I feel like I’m always being put down. Even if I’m not completely happy right now I feel like I am at my happiest when I’m all alone…without anyone, because there is no one to judge me or put me down. I don’t feel weird or that the things I do are out of the ordinary. I just feel like I can be myself. I don’t feel like I can be myself around you anymore I feel like I have to act a certain way for you to not be mad or annoyed at me. I don’t want to act like someone I am not or bottle up what I want to say… I just don’t want to be judged. I’ve never been a very insecure person, but around now feel insecure.



Relationships

Need energy to pass my day.

Growing Up

Lately I've been feeling empty. Sure, I do laugh at times cry without reason but this empty feeling lingers inside me? I can't find joy in things that I used to love to do.. Like drawing, reading and watching anime. And I started to hate myself for not doing anything, I can't keep up with my academic works or sleep schedules. Moreover, I'm annoyed that I'm being this hard on myself but how much I try I can't break from thia feeling of self hatred. I started to envy my friends who could love themselves as a piece of cake. I used to love myself too and I kind of still do but I can't really feel anything? And seeing them doing it with ease makes me feel bitter and I hate that I'm feeling like that when I'm supposed to be happy for them. I can't even look myself in the mirror for a little longer because of the self criticising voice. I'm aware of those thoughts and I know they are not helping me at all, but I'm losing my control over them. I really want to feel something nice for a while because I feel like my crappy attitude will spread to others and make them sad (which I don't want to). I talk to my friends and we are really close but I can't bring myself to talk about this to them, because it has nothing to do with them, I should be the one to deal with these thoughts, sure they could support me and help me but I don't know.. They got issues of their own, I don't want to be a burden to them.
I feel like I've been too emotional at times.. Like for today my friends teased me for something silly, I pretended to laugh and joke about it too with them because no one likes it when someone takes a joke too seriously right? But it still kinda hurt.. In a way? (I did tell this to my friend later and she was really sweet and nice to me, I'm thankful for that) but I still feel kinda humiliated? More like embarrassed? Idk.. I know I don't have much of  self respect or self love since my therapist already pointed that out in our last session😅 but I wanted to work on that.. But I feel more ashamed that I just stood there and did nothing for myself because I'm too much of a people pleaser. I hate that. And i know that hatred might spread to other and I really don't want to hate anyone. I  don't know where to begin , on working myself... I feel lost. 

Depression

How can I be vulnerable with other people? 
I've heard it's a good thing

Personal Growth

Is it just me or Taylor Swift's All too well extended version is a gem. The story of dylan and sadie idk made me realise (from my personal experience) 
like how guys (not all) act all good and charming and understanding in the beginning but as time passes they change. Its like you were dating someone else in the beginning and this person now is total different. They start showing their true colours. 


Music

you cant go back change the beginning , but you can start where you are and change the ending

Other

I don't feel happy anymore in my life!!! I feel empty. I start crying out of nowhere. I feel like I m gonna left behind! I feel as if Everyone is achiving and settling with good and I m gonna be a looser!! I just don't feel good. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts