Gave 20+ Interviews failed terribly, decision making later comes with guilt, disappointment to parents feels like quitting!!!!

I am a Final year student, B.Tech CSE. Mostly Full-Stack Development / Software Engineering.

Hey, I have Invested my last 4 years(16 Lakh)in understanding CS fundamentals, working on different technology I am more passionate in this domain, yet I am not getting true success.

Failure

I'm feeling like I'm drowning like a daily sense of frustration and breathlessness like the life in me is getting snuffed out by my situation.

Stress

Any queer people on here?😩
Would love to be friends!!💅

LGBTQ

Theres my crush in my class, we are also there in each other's contacts, but today i am unable to see his dp. He must have deleted my contact 🙃 but why? We played games together in school last time, and also had fun. Maybe he didnt like me that's why...
What do y'all think?

3am Thoughts

I don't know how i feal

Compassion

I heard false God by Taylor Swift and now I'm in love with jazz. Does anyone know any good songs from the genre? 

Music

if i start smiling at your texts I'm blocking you

Adulting

Late night thoughts that somehow turn into intrusive thoughts. Mentally reminding myself that thoughts are just thoughts. 💪 

Mental Health

I can't now.
last year, I wasn't that affected by the pandemic. like really. it was like I was okay with it. being by myself was easy coz I am not that an outgoing person.
But now at this point, where people are behaving irrationally, arent taking care of themselves and creating this Covid surge again. That's not acceptable.
I know I know losing my temper won't do any good. but it's happening.
This year or like for the past month I have started to see a change in me. I am getting more cranky and irritable.
I am not like that. seriously I am not. I know that.
I just want people to start being more responsible. I mean put the freaking masks on and carry a sanitizer, you guys.

Oh well, this uneasiness in me isn't gonna go away anytime soon. so any suggestions as to how I should handle this are most welcome.

Ps. i am kind like trying out my hobbies but Nah, its not completely helping me out 😕
PPs: this is the first time i am posting not anonymously, well that's progress :)

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts