Gained 4 pounds from all the binge eating and yet I ate a massive twix bar and leftover lunch :(

I'm so fucking disappointed in myself 

Well, don't assume that I don't do the same? Right? I'm not here crying over a twix bar as you assume, yeah you like to assume.

For WEEKS I have been binging on and off and you don't think that affects me? So, yeah I do have the right to be upset that for another day I screwed up!

Yeah, I do feel you because eating 6 meals isn't something everyone is happy about and it can definitely affect you. It affects me too so if you need to go talk to someone about your issues then talk about it instead of commenting that my problems aren't valid 

This things take time don't measure yourself daily surely it will demotivate you 

Don't  be. If it would have been in your control you would have controlled it. You are great the way you are

Binge Eating

I can admit I've been jealous, especially when I see people that hurt me doing better. I mean why is this always like this, they always do better. Why am so vulnerable all the time. "Don't change, someone needs you as you are", well they better hurry up. Like can't you see I'm losing myself in so many ways in this process?!!

One Sided Love

Uhh😞feeling so lonely..... My bf is not talking to me from last 4 to 5 days and I can't even meet him becoz he live in another city... 


It felt good to be with him on long  driving, that soothing music and that rain. He also feel something I also fell something. But he says he respects me a lot and care for me and doesn’t wana hurt Reason what if he will get married in near future and I end up getting hurt and breaking my heart into pieces. Coz I said I don’t wana marry ever. 
We reached till Holding hands, side hugs and that soft slow kiss from left to right. Now things are so confusing and weird. 😔😔

3am Thoughts

It's like the wind is blowing so fast and the trees are rustling and the birds are chirping ...  The weather seems perfect yet u don't feel anything.. it's like there is a void inside of me ... Everything is dull ... Nothing seems nice

Exhausted

Well, there are a couple of things I am feeling right now. 
So today I almost cried in front of my English teacher during my board practical because the topic I chose was really what is happening right now. 
I wish to have helicopter parents again, and the not ones who need to be taken care of. One of them is a drunk and the other has SSD. I wish to have that same warmth and stability my friends in their functional family have. I was in a fight with myself - "should I do it?" "Nah! too personal to share" and then I finally thought to myself "why not? It's okay to not hide your emotions anymore. You are not to blame for what is happening? You deserve to speak your truth and the origin of the topic" 
So I said as to how and what was happening and how it had relevance to my English topic. 
Felt weird to voice it out but oh well! 
Another thing, I have physics board practical tomorrow and I am super scared. 
Also, one of my favourite cousins is leaving because she needs to be back home. my heart dropped when she said she has to go because she has been the only one who listened to my political and emotional views. Heck, my own sister blocks me out when I try to talk to her. So yeah, there's a lot 

Anxiety

I realized that I don’t have to be perfect. All I have to do is show up and enjoy the messy, imperfect and beautiful journey of my life

শুভ সকাল

Now&Me Activities

I planned a surprise for my bf and he found out about it because of my own stupidity and i feel so irritated and sad about it😖

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts