Like something is missing or nhi bhi... Pata nhi 😔😣

Frustrated 🥴😵

Frustration

I want a girlfriend 

Crush

It's feels happy to look at her from far...

Love

I left her for her own good but I still love her. 

Breakup

I Uh, broke up with my girlfriend yesterday. She was being shitty like I loved her and I did give her things and words she loves, we always had a good time and she did those back to me. We were perfect to each other full of love and care but then she started flirting with that one friend of her, and it was inappropriate flirting that should be said to lovers you know not friends, I confronted her and she use that ''I know I acted immature'' Excuse and that she took my love for granted, I hated that so much and I still do but I miss her now..  She kept begging for me to give her a chance and said ''You promised to stay with me for the next two years'' then I said, ''How can I stay with a person who is flirting with their friend like that?!'' so we havent talked in a day after the break up, I didn't give her a chance since she needs to learn instead of thinking i'd always stay. I really wanted to let her stay but I now that I have to let it go, she should learn that her actions affects things in life you know? I love myself so much so I don't wanna make me be all sad, have breakdowns, overthinking and bad shit but this does hurt.

Its been a year,but I still miss her everyday.I miss her laughs.I miss that sound when she laughed.I miss joking with her.And I cannot talk about it to anyone because then everyone thinks I have become mad because it's been a long time and also because I was the one at fault she did the right one.I don't have the courage to message her because I am blocked on WhatsApp so I think it's not a wise thing to do.But still the chest is heavy,I have never felt this pain.I don't know what to do sometimes I think will she ever miss me and my friends say no because if she did she would have reached out atleast once.We met in this season only and whenever I go for a walk i remember every vibe but I still don't know why i fucked up.I don't know if I ever get out of this what is the meaning of getting over?I know this sound too stupid but I need to get it out that's why I am writing it out here
 

So it has been 3 days my partner is like okay with everything. I was upset about something and she knows it. She is not saying anything about my Why am i soo quiet or Why you are upset why posting sad things etc. As if she js not interested. I dont have any emotional Support from her. Whenever j go to talk to her she is like you dont know my thingss and with that she dosent even share anything i dont know whay should i do. I mean I dont know where this relationship will go. 

I have two options...
Either to loose her and leave her permanently... 
Or stay in her life and see her with someone else... 
What should I do

She is gone but i still feel happy and joyful looking at her pictures, remembering the moments we shared and her voice still keeps running in my head. It's weird but i kinda enjoy doing all this.

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