Finally i blocked him from everywhere and cut that all rope of hope🪢

Agar kisi ki feeling na samjh Sako to 
Thik hai 
But i can deactivate this account from here 

Rashmi sawant 

Caregiver

Hey , i feel anxious and numb anyone there?

Anxiety

Why do everyone says living is better than death
I mean, isn't death and living should be the choice of that individual, wether he wants to continue his journey or not

I mean what's so great about living
Living daily with mouth shut, without power to do anything or change anything

I think we all are valuing life a million times more than what it's worth

Life

Imagine being LGBT+ and Muslim. Yikes. Yeah, that's me. I'm a biromantic asexual South Asian Muslim woman that will probably stay hidden forever and if I do tell someone, they'll curse me to Hell because the Muslim community, especially desi community, is so damn narrow-minded that they just can't accept someone different. Not just that, I'm breaking so many taboos because of who I am, a brown Muslim woman who doesn't want marriage or kids, doesn't look for a relationship, isn't interested in men, is a feminist, sexual abuse survivor, is heavily a workaholic and career-oriented and is too bold for her own good. Yeah, most people would fume. They have, actually. No one has ever accepted me in real life. I'm the black sheep. I don't exist. It's better for others to pretend I don't. They sleep better that way.

LGBTQ

We all crave for attention, don't we? 👀


Adulting

Let me go passing by 
Let me  come back in time 
Let me be who I am ......

I have recently started feeling that my relationship with my best friend is one sided from my end. A little back story.

The thing is I never really had a best friend, I had many friends in school but none of them was my best friend. Even though many people in school and college whom I have grown up with had their best friends with whom they used to do stuff like going out, spending time together, doing things together, having fun together and in short creating memories together as best friends. It was fascinating to see people doing all this with their best friends. At the same time it was sad too for me knowing that nothing such has happened with me ever. Even I had dreamed of having this special friend who will always have my back, with whom I could create special memories. There was always hope.

Later now in life I do have a best friend with whom I share a special bond. But as I go deeper into my thoughts I ask myself, Do we really share that special bond? I mean she does care about me and is a nice person but its always me who goes out of the way, out of my comfort to be there with her. Its always me who wants to spend time with her. So, one of my plan was to have a day out with her and doing activities like going to the mall, playing games, having food and chilling together. She had even said yes and had agreed to this plan but somehow it never happened. There was always something from her end which delayed this plan forever. 

Another instance is when my CA exams results had come out and I was over the moon because I had passed and I wanted to celebrate with her, my best friend, so we had planned to go to this pizza place which is really nice. I was super excited. We were gonna go on the following weekend but then she asked me if we can delay because she was running out of outfits and did not have a nice outfit to wear. I understood and I was like okay no problem we can do that. But, the very next weekend, the group had decided to go to the same place and she agreed to the group plan and the outfit problem was no longer the problem when the group had planned. So I don't know how should I feel about it. I was really excited to go out with her to that pizza place to celebrate my achievement but I don't think it was meant to happen. 

There have been many such instances where I have planned things for us but it never worked out. Now you all must be wondering why am I so adamant to plan things and activities when she never reciprocates. Fair enough. But as I told above, I never had a best friend so it was my dream to do all these cute things when I finally do have a best friend. Another major thing is that she is gonna go abroad next year to pursue her masters and I know once she leaves things are not going to be the same. I only have this year with her and I really want to make the most of it. Hence I did not care about my self respect and self esteem. I just wanted to spend as much time with her as possible and I don't think I am asking too much from her. And its not like she does not like going out in general, she does go out with her other college friends to hang out. I don't know man there must be some problem with me only then. 

But if that is really the case she should come and tell me right? I will break yes but it will be once and for all unlike now. Now I am breaking every day. She always tells me I am her priority and that I am truly her best friend which makes me feel good momentarily but I don't see it in her actions. I have always gone out of my comfort to be there for her no matter the time, no matter the place. But I do not really see this commitment from her end. I mean I agree everyone has their own way of caring and one shouldn't really compare but certain changes in energy and vibes can't go unnoticed. I always believe the friendship to be a 50-50 effort thing. 

Now I feel tired, I feel exhausted. Yet somewhere in my heart there is a hope that things might change. Also I may have portrayed a bad image of my friend but trust me she is a lovely person all in all. These are my personal issues and feelings so please do not judge her in any way. But yes please help me since my mind is all over the place and I am in dire need of guidance.

Much thanks and love.

 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts