Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I KNOW ITS LONG BUT I NEED HELP TO UNDERSTAND IT !!!
Few Years back I backstabbed my best friend… I used to like him … but he was in a relationship with my classmate I was jealous of her … He used to share everything with me For some reasons he was going to end his relationship with her and she was depressed and sad. We all have common friends …My friend with whom I used to share everything about him spilled each and every detail I gave her about him to everyone(Even the screenshots)… She made up such stories as if we were dating… His Girlfriend got to know all this stuff… and she got furious … My friend she is such a bitch told me that he is only using you …after breakup he we date you , use you and dump u… he never gave you proper recognition… he used to hide that you used to hangout with you from his girlfriend… she told me that he wants me to be his dirty secret …
Even I got instigated and spilled everything to his girlfriend… (They asked me to speak in such a way that he was cheating on her and I was so frustrated and dumb that I spoke everything that my friends made me to speak…)
After 2 or 3 days he decided to confront me and ask me what was wrong with me … we were not alone we were accompanied by those 2 girl who brainwashed me and his girlfriend… Irony was both the girls backed out and said they weren’t aware of anything that I spoke and made everyone believed that I spoke everything on my own… One of the girl supported him iin front of him (day before fight she was the one who spoke against him and wanted to drag his family to this ) … N at the day of fight she made me a villan …
I was devastated I wasn’t able to speak anything his girlfriend yellled at me infact she asked me to speak the truth otherwise she would slap me … I wasn’t in my sense wtf i was speaking…
I potrayed my best friend as characterless …
After that I left with one friend with whom I used to share everything even she was shocked to see that the bitch who instigated me was the one who was trying to make everything alright between him and his girlfriend … N now he and his girlfriend are friends everyone and everything is same That bitch is still thier friend…N only I am the one who is villan for him…
I have never cried in front of anyone but that day on my way to home I was crying sitting on a footpath with my friend…
I STILL CAN’T GET OVER IT!!!
I WANT TO APOLOGIES BUT HE HATES ME !!!
N I HAVE NO GUTS LEFT TO CONFRONT HIM …
LIKE IT HAS BEEN 2 YEARS NOW BUT STILL I WANT TO APOLOGIES…BUT WHENEVER I SEE

HIM AND TALK ABOUT HIM I FEEL VULNERABLE LIKE THAT DAY WHEN WE HAD FIGHT!!!
Please Help me what should I do now…
PLEASE HELP ME HOW TO MOVE ON FROM THIS